noticed.

ever wonder if you are noticed?

especially during a season of chaos and unwanted change, i tend to disappear a little.  not always physically, but most likely i "check out" and go through the motions.  i feel like i have worked so hard my entire life to blend in and not rock the boat.  even while desiring the quietness and peace of the wallpaper existence, i long to be seen and sought after.

simple words or a hug can mean the world to me.  i am so blessed by the people around me that notice me. you know who you are...thank you.

Christmas storybook land!

storybook land is a piece of my childhood i hope i never forget.  i found a couple pictures from back in the day...my first two visits.

walking up to the building today, the memories and smells came flooding back to me.  in between the displays and along the walkways, there are hundreds of Christmas trees and lights are strung everywhere.

these stuffed dolls and the huge teddy bear are bigger than i am and have been there for as long as i can remember...

the grinch is always so much fun.  there is an X marked on the ground that you can jump on and when you do, he jumps too.  so cool...

the kids LOVED it.  i LOVED seeing their excitement and remembering what it was like when i was younger.  

now it feels more like Christmas...

love.

i needed to hear this today. sometimes my focus is on God's never-ending power or justice (which is not bad, just a different focus).

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39

i cannot walk away or outrun His love for me.

if i disappoint Him...He loves me.

if i mess up (again...and again)...He still loves me.

a full recovery...

a couple weeks ago, mari had minor surgery to remove her tonsils. after about a week and a half of feeling pretty miserable, i'm happy to report that she is back to her normal, talkative, mischevious, crazy self. here she is showing off some of her vocabulary...

black friday and a photo shoot...

good news:  i got a new camera!
bad news: target opened at 4 am...

while waking up at that time of morning is not usually welcomed, my sister and i ventured out to have a little black friday excursion at about 3:30 am.  usually there are only two moods when i'm sleep deprived...grumpy and goofy.  luckily i woke up a little goofy and ended up enjoying the long lines.  i made new friends and instigated a cheer as the line started moving.  after about a 45 minute wait inside of target, my new camera was in my hands.

today was the first chance i had to play around with it due to a LONG nap after shopping on friday.  here are some of my favorites...

i am choosing...

i am choosing to be thankful.

at this moment i would much rather make a list of things i want...or things i would like to be doing...or people i wish i could be hanging out with.

it seems fitting that i would remember that thanksgiving comes before Christmas.

::: i am thankful for :::

.technology to communicate with the people i love.

.the freedom that being single allows.

.an opportunity that i never expected.

.fresh perspectives.

.clean water to drink.

{such a random, short list...but it reflects where my thoughts are lately}

refreshing times are coming.

For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land.  I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 36:24-27

this scripture jumped out at me last night.  perhaps a new promise to hold on to and anticipate.  change is in the works...

next year...

i am bursting at the seams with a possibility for an adventure next year.  after being slightly discouraged about plans not falling into place and seemingly no direction, a new idea was illuminated last night.  it's a different direction than i would have expected, but it seems to fit better than i could have imagined.  seeing as though i haven't told anyone about it since i stayed up WAY too late "researching" and looking at the website of information, i will delay spilling the details to my blog until more thought and prayer have gone into the process.

i had to say something before i exploded with excitement...

grrr...

remember back in the day when after you took a picture, you couldn't look at it until you finished the roll of film and had it processed?  well...until further notice, i will be taking that step back in time electronically.  my camera's LCD screen decided to quit on me tonight.  apparently it still can take pictures because i snapped this one right after the white screen of nothingness appeared...

just lovely...

beauty in the changes.

i don't always welcome change with open arms...

...but new paths bring you to new places...

...things that you have never seen before will be highlighted...

...and when the day is done, you can rest in the fact that tomorrow is a new day...

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

i need this...

So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill.  As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.  When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.  So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

Exodus 17:10-13

so often i just try to fight through everything on my own.  relying on others requires vulnerability and allows for a greater potential for disappointment if/when people don't follow through.

why did God place Moses in this place knowing that his arms couldn't handle it?

why am i in that same place?

please pray for me as i am fighting a battle against feelings of worthlessness and distrust.

i splurged...

God has been teaching me a lot about my worth throughout the past couple weeks and a while ago i came across a necklace that i fell in love with. the amazing thing about it is that it falls directly in line with the two scriptures He has given me this season.

now i normally do not splurge on jewelry or even wear necklaces for that matter, but i'm super excited to have this simple reminder of the scriptures to wear daily.

the first verse i posted a couple days ago here...

the second one i have known for a long time, but God revealed a different perspective on it the other night.

The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

i had always pictured myself in the man/merchant role having to sacrifice everything for the treasure.  but what if God is the one who gave everything to save me... and i am that fine pearl.

go check out my new necklace here and browse her other beautiful creations!

emotions drive me nuts sometimes.

seriously.  i can sometimes see the blessing of expressing joy and sadness (amidst many other emotions), as it draws people together.  God is all about the relationship stuff.

but what do you do when the stuff that is flowing out of you has no logical explanation?

do all emotions have roots connecting them to a deeper piece of who i am?

sunny day.

it is almost november and God has blessed me with a sunny day.  not only is the weather fantastic, but peace and joy have infiltrated my heart.

here are some pictures from last saturday...on a night that was not quite as sunny.  these pictures just bring a smile to my face.

this is a group of us from church going to get lost in a corn maze.

*taken while waiting in the wrong line...oops*

rain boots almost magically transform me into a little kid again.  many puddles were jumped in and i had a blast sliding and slipping through the mud.

we wrapped up the night with caramel apples, hot chocolate and lots of laughter.  it's not too often that i take the time to be a kid again.  that needs to change.

sparrows.

{click to enlarge}

sparrows.

{click to enlarge}

insecure.

last week i had the opportunity to listen to Graham Cooke. several statements he made struck chords deep in my heart and have challenged my perspective on many things. God has been using those words and the situations in my life to stir things up a little bit.

my sense of worth has always been a struggle for me. being unsure of that, i have tended to be insecure in most relationships since about middle school. betrayal and rejection have fueled the feelings of worthlessness and most of my pain has somehow been connected to those wounds.

last night a fresh perspective was birthed through my tears as i was crying out. instead of trying to control and regulate the external details, maybe i should deal with the junk in my heart. ugh...such a simple concept that i thought i had already learned.

with these raw wounds, it doesn't take much to cause me more pain. what i am realizing though is that people's actions (or lack of actions) that hurt me are usually caused more by how i perceive them, not necessarily the heart motives behind the action. these broken glasses skew my vision and distort everything along the same lines.

no matter how perfect and loving my friends are, if i don't realize my worth in God's eyes, i will never be able to accept their love for what it is.

insecure.

last week i had the opportunity to listen to Graham Cooke. several statements he made struck chords deep in my heart and have challenged my perspective on many things. God has been using those words and the situations in my life to stir things up a little bit.

my sense of worth has always been a struggle for me. being unsure of that, i have tended to be insecure in most relationships since about middle school. betrayal and rejection have fueled the feelings of worthlessness and most of my pain has somehow been connected to those wounds.

last night a fresh perspective was birthed through my tears as i was crying out. instead of trying to control and regulate the external details, maybe i should deal with the junk in my heart. ugh...such a simple concept that i thought i had already learned.

with these raw wounds, it doesn't take much to cause me more pain. what i am realizing though is that people's actions (or lack of actions) that hurt me are usually caused more by how i perceive them, not necessarily the heart motives behind the action. these broken glasses skew my vision and distort everything along the same lines.

no matter how perfect and loving my friends are, if i don't realize my worth in God's eyes, i will never be able to accept their love for what it is.

crispy yogurt chicken.

**i totally made this and had this all typed out WEEKS ago and finally got to uploading the picture and finally posting it.  between a dying hard drive and a forgotten charger...my laptop has had an interesting month.**

a group of friends and i decided to try out new recipes and share the results with you!  this week we are making crispy yogurt chicken.

i didn't document it all with a ton of pictures, but here is the finished dish!

here is my take...it was yummy, but the kids didn't really like it.  i really do not enjoy preparing and cooking meat and in my laziness i probably won't make it again.  

go check out alexis, melissa and amy's blog to see how it turned out for them!

crispy yogurt chicken.

**i totally made this and had this all typed out WEEKS ago and finally got to uploading the picture and finally posting it.  between a dying hard drive and a forgotten charger...my laptop has had an interesting month.**

a group of friends and i decided to try out new recipes and share the results with you!  this week we are making crispy yogurt chicken.

i didn't document it all with a ton of pictures, but here is the finished dish!

here is my take...it was yummy, but the kids didn't really like it.  i really do not enjoy preparing and cooking meat and in my laziness i probably won't make it again.  

go check out alexis, melissa and amy's blog to see how it turned out for them!

oy vey!

it's list time...again.  i don't seem to have time to put together a regular post so here it goes...

• my laptop's hardware went bad.  luckily the warranty still had it covered!  it was weird to be without my computer for a while.
• i went to the beach with friends!  we randomly picked the right weekend because it was PERFECT weather.  i also cried several times during the day and my stomach hurt...we were laughing so hard all day long!
• i'm going to the Women of Faith conference this weekend.  looking forward to it because i've heard it's amazing...but my schedule has been so packed, i'm praying that i'm not so tired that i can't enjoy it.
• after a long break, i'm finally being inspired to take pictures again.  i love capturing the moment.
• another stage of "i have nothing to wear..." has hit.  yep...i even blogged about it last year.  my theory has been confirmed.
• the other day, an ATM machine (the redundancy makes me laugh because a lot of people say it...including me) ate the money i was trying to withdraw.  not a good feeling when you get the nice receipt saying that you got the money when you didn't.  apparently after filing an ATM dispute, it will take 8-10 days to get your money back.  oh, and i found the out of order sign sitting in the trash next to the machine... note to self:  glance in the trash before starting transactions.
• i love getting dressed up for occasions.  however, about two hours after said celebration i was happily back in jeans and a hoodie for the rest of the evening.
• the weather this october has been phenomenal.  the sunshine has not officially retired for eight months yet.  :o)
• i have a gazillion blog post ideas rolling around my head but ZERO time...thank you Wonder Pets for a few minutes of time for this list.

well. my brain is tired...along with everything else.  until next time...

oy vey!

it's list time...again.  i don't seem to have time to put together a regular post so here it goes...

• my laptop's hardware went bad.  luckily the warranty still had it covered!  it was weird to be without my computer for a while.
• i went to the beach with friends!  we randomly picked the right weekend because it was PERFECT weather.  i also cried several times during the day and my stomach hurt...we were laughing so hard all day long!
• i'm going to the Women of Faith conference this weekend.  looking forward to it because i've heard it's amazing...but my schedule has been so packed, i'm praying that i'm not so tired that i can't enjoy it.
• after a long break, i'm finally being inspired to take pictures again.  i love capturing the moment.
• another stage of "i have nothing to wear..." has hit.  yep...i even blogged about it last year.  my theory has been confirmed.
• the other day, an ATM machine (the redundancy makes me laugh because a lot of people say it...including me) ate the money i was trying to withdraw.  not a good feeling when you get the nice receipt saying that you got the money when you didn't.  apparently after filing an ATM dispute, it will take 8-10 days to get your money back.  oh, and i found the out of order sign sitting in the trash next to the machine... note to self:  glance in the trash before starting transactions.
• i love getting dressed up for occasions.  however, about two hours after said celebration i was happily back in jeans and a hoodie for the rest of the evening.
• the weather this october has been phenomenal.  the sunshine has not officially retired for eight months yet.  :o)
• i have a gazillion blog post ideas rolling around my head but ZERO time...thank you Wonder Pets for a few minutes of time for this list.

well. my brain is tired...along with everything else.  until next time...

busy, busy, busy

once again i feel like life is flowing by faster than i can comprehend.  instead of being overwhelmed, i have been holding on enjoying the ride.  unexpected blessings of friendship have brought sunshine to the rainy days.

to be completely honest, aside from bible study and church, my bible has been collecting dust.  regardless of that, God never fails to continually try to get my attention.  as much as morning text messages and hugs mean to me, He has sent so much more.  instead of simple words, He created the beauty and calmness of the sunrise to greet me in the morning.

i sometimes want God's love to be more tangible, but when i think about it...how much more tangible could it be?

busy, busy, busy

once again i feel like life is flowing by faster than i can comprehend.  instead of being overwhelmed, i have been holding on enjoying the ride.  unexpected blessings of friendship have brought sunshine to the rainy days.

to be completely honest, aside from bible study and church, my bible has been collecting dust.  regardless of that, God never fails to continually try to get my attention.  as much as morning text messages and hugs mean to me, He has sent so much more.  instead of simple words, He created the beauty and calmness of the sunrise to greet me in the morning.

i sometimes want God's love to be more tangible, but when i think about it...how much more tangible could it be?

stop praying -- chapter one

"What if I said, 'Stop praying'?  What if I told you to stop talking at God for a while, but instead to take a long, hard look at Him before you speak another word?  Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words.  That's what fools do.  And often, that's what we do."

the first chapter continues on to describe some of the phenomenal things that God has orchestrated and created.  it speaks of us having "spiritual amnesia", that no matter how much He has revealed to us we forget who He really is.  i am appalled at how true that is in my life and how much i take for granted every day. why is it so hard to consistently stay connected to the one who is my source of hope, joy, strength and love?

this year in particular i feel like i have questioned and fought God the most.  it hasn't necessarily been a bad thing, because before this point i feel like i distanced myself whenever i disagreed with Him.  anyways, these questions struck me hard...

"Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you?  Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?"

i am sensing my perspective shifting already, as i desire to stand in awe of God and acknowledge myself for who i am.

stop praying -- chapter one

"What if I said, 'Stop praying'?  What if I told you to stop talking at God for a while, but instead to take a long, hard look at Him before you speak another word?  Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words.  That's what fools do.  And often, that's what we do."

the first chapter continues on to describe some of the phenomenal things that God has orchestrated and created.  it speaks of us having "spiritual amnesia", that no matter how much He has revealed to us we forget who He really is.  i am appalled at how true that is in my life and how much i take for granted every day. why is it so hard to consistently stay connected to the one who is my source of hope, joy, strength and love?

this year in particular i feel like i have questioned and fought God the most.  it hasn't necessarily been a bad thing, because before this point i feel like i distanced myself whenever i disagreed with Him.  anyways, these questions struck me hard...

"Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you?  Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?"

i am sensing my perspective shifting already, as i desire to stand in awe of God and acknowledge myself for who i am.

crazy love.

i have heard that this book, written by Francis Chan, is amazingly powerful.  i am definitely intrigued and excited to starting reading it!  thanks to the public library, it is now in my hands and i decided to blog about my thoughts and favorite quotes from each chapter.

now...the house is quiet, with faint sounds of a recorded episode of burn notice playing in the other room, and i'm snug in my bed with a book and my laptop.  the biggest challenge of the night is going to be reading only one chapter!

crazy love.

i have heard that this book, written by Francis Chan, is amazingly powerful.  i am definitely intrigued and excited to starting reading it!  thanks to the public library, it is now in my hands and i decided to blog about my thoughts and favorite quotes from each chapter.

now...the house is quiet, with faint sounds of a recorded episode of burn notice playing in the other room, and i'm snug in my bed with a book and my laptop.  the biggest challenge of the night is going to be reading only one chapter!

wait.

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;  they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

this verse is ingrained in my head, but my heart cries out something along these lines...

i am waiting for _______ and after obtaining it, then i will be (content, happy, fulfilled, blessed, whole, able to live my life, comfortable).

what do you fill in the blank with?

wait.

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;  they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

this verse is ingrained in my head, but my heart cries out something along these lines...

i am waiting for _______ and after obtaining it, then i will be (content, happy, fulfilled, blessed, whole, able to live my life, comfortable).

what do you fill in the blank with?

i don't have words to describe this...

yeah...so i am deep in the process of procrastinating my workout tonight.  this made it totally worth it.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

i don't have words to describe this...

yeah...so i am deep in the process of procrastinating my workout tonight.  this made it totally worth it.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

is summer over?

even though my favorite season may be coming to an end, today's weather felt right.  here is a peek at my day today...

this time of year seems to encourage me to bake more.  add two overripe bananas and i just couldn't resist making banana bread.  i used this recipe and added a little bit of chocolate and walnuts.

 my poor boots have had a lonely summer hiding in a corner in my closet.  now all i need is a few puddles to go jump in...

while waiting for big brother to get home, the twins were being so loving towards each other.  i love catching moments like this!

here is the big kindergartener!  i am so proud of how well he is adjusting to the long days at school.

the only missing from today was a nice long run around the block...and that one appointment that i completely forgot about.  oops.  :o)

is summer over?

even though my favorite season may be coming to an end, today's weather felt right.  here is a peek at my day today...

this time of year seems to encourage me to bake more.  add two overripe bananas and i just couldn't resist making banana bread.  i used this recipe and added a little bit of chocolate and walnuts.

 my poor boots have had a lonely summer hiding in a corner in my closet.  now all i need is a few puddles to go jump in...

while waiting for big brother to get home, the twins were being so loving towards each other.  i love catching moments like this!

here is the big kindergartener!  i am so proud of how well he is adjusting to the long days at school.

the only missing from today was a nice long run around the block...and that one appointment that i completely forgot about.  oops.  :o)

timely answers...

last night i poured out my heart to God regarding my latest struggles.  mainly trust.  i hadn't ever realized how deep of an issue this was for me.  as predictable as sunshine in the great pacific northwest, people fail me.  i have been let down and i am reaching to find security and insurance that it won't happen again.  it's a ridiculous quest though, for i know that relationships don't work that way.

this morning i read a post that hit the core of where i am at.  go visit sarah's blog and read her post here!

timely answers...

last night i poured out my heart to God regarding my latest struggles.  mainly trust.  i hadn't ever realized how deep of an issue this was for me.  as predictable as sunshine in the great pacific northwest, people fail me.  i have been let down and i am reaching to find security and insurance that it won't happen again.  it's a ridiculous quest though, for i know that relationships don't work that way.

this morning i read a post that hit the core of where i am at.  go visit sarah's blog and read her post here!

...praise...

do not let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise your name.

psalm 74:21

oppressed:  persecuted, downtrodden, abused, maltreated, ill-treated, subjugated, tyrannized, repressed, subdued, crushed, browbeaten; disadvantaged, underprivileged.

retreat:  withdraw, retire, draw back, pull back/out, fall back, give way, give ground

disgrace:  dishonor, shame, discredit, ignominy, degradation, disrepute, ill repute, infamy, scandal, stigma, opprobrium, obloquy, condemnation, vilification, contempt, disrespect; humiliation, embarrassment, loss of face

praise:  worship, glorify, honor, exalt, adore, pay tribute to, give thanks to, venerate, reverence

====================================

God~
i praise you for never leaving me abandoned.  you know my needs better than i do, and i thank you that you are orchestrating my life to glorify your name in the best capacity.  help me honor you in all my actions as i walk through the every day junk in life.  i want to see your name exalted as your glory shines through my weaknesses.  amen.

...praise...

do not let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise your name.

psalm 74:21

oppressed:  persecuted, downtrodden, abused, maltreated, ill-treated, subjugated, tyrannized, repressed, subdued, crushed, browbeaten; disadvantaged, underprivileged.

retreat:  withdraw, retire, draw back, pull back/out, fall back, give way, give ground

disgrace:  dishonor, shame, discredit, ignominy, degradation, disrepute, ill repute, infamy, scandal, stigma, opprobrium, obloquy, condemnation, vilification, contempt, disrespect; humiliation, embarrassment, loss of face

praise:  worship, glorify, honor, exalt, adore, pay tribute to, give thanks to, venerate, reverence

====================================

God~
i praise you for never leaving me abandoned.  you know my needs better than i do, and i thank you that you are orchestrating my life to glorify your name in the best capacity.  help me honor you in all my actions as i walk through the every day junk in life.  i want to see your name exalted as your glory shines through my weaknesses.  amen.

invisible.

where am i?

fearful that i would be overwhelmed with life, this summer i have retreated.  i have taken a step back from nearly every relationship but depth is what i have been yearning for the most.  the situation baffles me until i realize how much i desire to be seen.  when i disappear, will anyone see me? 

i haven't really gone anywhere.  physically i am present, but my interactions are just skin deep.  i answer questions with trivial nonsense that are relevant but not deep.

a week ago, a dear friend looked me in the eyes and asked me how i was doing.  it had been an amazing day...perfect weather, i had run and worked out that morning, had strawberry pancakes for breakfast and was wandering downtown enjoying family, cars, and seeing lots of friends.  in the midst of the busy crowd, i ferociously fought back tears as i replied.  i had been seen and i knew they wanted to know the truth.

i'm afraid to be real.  i don't want to burden my stuff on anyone else.  i don't want to be the emotional, unstable one.  i'm afraid people don't really want to know where i am.  i'm scared out of my mind that the people who i think are my biggest supports don't want to support me.

something desperately needs to change and risk is inevitable.  i can't do this alone.

invisible.

where am i?

fearful that i would be overwhelmed with life, this summer i have retreated.  i have taken a step back from nearly every relationship but depth is what i have been yearning for the most.  the situation baffles me until i realize how much i desire to be seen.  when i disappear, will anyone see me? 

i haven't really gone anywhere.  physically i am present, but my interactions are just skin deep.  i answer questions with trivial nonsense that are relevant but not deep.

a week ago, a dear friend looked me in the eyes and asked me how i was doing.  it had been an amazing day...perfect weather, i had run and worked out that morning, had strawberry pancakes for breakfast and was wandering downtown enjoying family, cars, and seeing lots of friends.  in the midst of the busy crowd, i ferociously fought back tears as i replied.  i had been seen and i knew they wanted to know the truth.

i'm afraid to be real.  i don't want to burden my stuff on anyone else.  i don't want to be the emotional, unstable one.  i'm afraid people don't really want to know where i am.  i'm scared out of my mind that the people who i think are my biggest supports don't want to support me.

something desperately needs to change and risk is inevitable.  i can't do this alone.

oh yeah....

the sun is shining...

there is laundry to fold and a kitchen to clean and i have wasted most of naptime on picnik.

time to get moving so we can spend the afternoon in the pool!

oh yeah....

the sun is shining...

there is laundry to fold and a kitchen to clean and i have wasted most of naptime on picnik.

time to get moving so we can spend the afternoon in the pool!

why i run...

:: i feel so amazing after i complete a hard workout ::
:: it is great to achieve goals and see the progress ::
:: it relieves my stress ::
:: it renews my energy ::
:: my lungs feel phenomenal afterwards::

why i run...

:: i feel so amazing after i complete a hard workout ::
:: it is great to achieve goals and see the progress ::
:: it relieves my stress ::
:: it renews my energy ::
:: my lungs feel phenomenal afterwards::

joyful.

deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do His will, then He can use us.
--max lucado

joyful.

deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do His will, then He can use us.
--max lucado

taking it slow...

i am exhausted.  this week has been packed full of adventures with the family.  fantastic food, whale watching, fossil finding, OMSI observing, shopping and swimming have kept us busy.  yesterday we headed out to Silver Falls State park to peruse the breath-taking waterfalls.

typically, my motivation drives me as i push myself to put one foot in front of the other.  i tend to want to continue on while others meander.  this hike was different.  i took more opportunities to sit on benches along the way and just breathe deeply the beauty that was surrounding me.

that is where i am today.  this season of change has taken a toll on me, but only now can i sit back and be amazed at where God has brought me.

taking it slow...

i am exhausted.  this week has been packed full of adventures with the family.  fantastic food, whale watching, fossil finding, OMSI observing, shopping and swimming have kept us busy.  yesterday we headed out to Silver Falls State park to peruse the breath-taking waterfalls.

typically, my motivation drives me as i push myself to put one foot in front of the other.  i tend to want to continue on while others meander.  this hike was different.  i took more opportunities to sit on benches along the way and just breathe deeply the beauty that was surrounding me.

that is where i am today.  this season of change has taken a toll on me, but only now can i sit back and be amazed at where God has brought me.

still running...

i have stuck with the couch to 5k running plan and i have come so far.  on tuesday i ran for 20 straight minutes!  my progress has been so encouraging and i am really starting to enjoy the challenge.  my first 5k is next wednesday!  

running has been a great escape from life.  blowing away the assumed limitations that i have put on myself has shown me how strong i really am.  you don't really know how far you can go until you go the distance.  

still running...

i have stuck with the couch to 5k running plan and i have come so far.  on tuesday i ran for 20 straight minutes!  my progress has been so encouraging and i am really starting to enjoy the challenge.  my first 5k is next wednesday!  

running has been a great escape from life.  blowing away the assumed limitations that i have put on myself has shown me how strong i really am.  you don't really know how far you can go until you go the distance.  

change in the making

change in the making

i am sore.

my muscles are aching.  mostly from a combination of camping, wakeboarding and kayaking, but even deeper than that...my heart aches.  it yearns for the things i don't have and the loss of a dream.

i thought things would look different.  i thought i might be devastated.  i counted on a certain support team, but instead received peace from the only one who can grant peace.

i don't know where to go from here but i don't feel lost.

i am sore.

my muscles are aching.  mostly from a combination of camping, wakeboarding and kayaking, but even deeper than that...my heart aches.  it yearns for the things i don't have and the loss of a dream.

i thought things would look different.  i thought i might be devastated.  i counted on a certain support team, but instead received peace from the only one who can grant peace.

i don't know where to go from here but i don't feel lost.

life.

well hello there...it has been awhile.  so much is changing and i have been overwhelmed with the monstrosity that is my life.  i've come to realize that i don't want to write light, fluffy stuff if that is not how the days are going.  i am spending most of my time filling my every moment with things to do or checking out for a few hours by doing senseless stuff like tv and reading.  i don't feel strong enough to face things so i have resisted blogging about them as well.  once you put your thoughts into words it makes them seem a little bit more real and that scares me.

a miracle would be really nice right about now.

life.

well hello there...it has been awhile.  so much is changing and i have been overwhelmed with the monstrosity that is my life.  i've come to realize that i don't want to write light, fluffy stuff if that is not how the days are going.  i am spending most of my time filling my every moment with things to do or checking out for a few hours by doing senseless stuff like tv and reading.  i don't feel strong enough to face things so i have resisted blogging about them as well.  once you put your thoughts into words it makes them seem a little bit more real and that scares me.

a miracle would be really nice right about now.

on the edge.

i feel the constant pressure as the water continues to rise.  small streams cascade down my cheeks as the wind picks up.  the tiniest pebble causes a ripple effect and i can't hold back the tears.  this flood threatens to demolish the structure i so carefully constructed.

this season has me reeling.  though the list of struggles may seem small, the foundation being rocked has far-reaching influence.  the core of who i am and what i believe is being challenged.

i'm scared of where i will run if everything around me falls.

on the edge.

i feel the constant pressure as the water continues to rise.  small streams cascade down my cheeks as the wind picks up.  the tiniest pebble causes a ripple effect and i can't hold back the tears.  this flood threatens to demolish the structure i so carefully constructed.

this season has me reeling.  though the list of struggles may seem small, the foundation being rocked has far-reaching influence.  the core of who i am and what i believe is being challenged.

i'm scared of where i will run if everything around me falls.

thankful.

things i am thankful for this morning:

• late night phone calls that end in encouraging prayer
• friends who i can count on to love me through all seasons of life
• my toms shoes
• cocoa pebbles
• possible afternoon sunshine
• being surrounded by so many awesome opportunities that my schedule fills up
• long-distance hugs over facebook

today will be better than yesterday.

thankful.

things i am thankful for this morning:

• late night phone calls that end in encouraging prayer
• friends who i can count on to love me through all seasons of life
• my toms shoes
• cocoa pebbles
• possible afternoon sunshine
• being surrounded by so many awesome opportunities that my schedule fills up
• long-distance hugs over facebook

today will be better than yesterday.

to be blunt...

today was a rough one.  exhaustion has taken over emotionally and physically.  here are a few things i am wrestling with... prayer would be greatly appreciated.

• i am dreading an upcoming conversation.  fear of causing pain nearly sidelines me and i don't know if i will be able to speak due to overwhelming emotions.
• i need wisdom regarding a decision that i need to make.  lists of pros and cons help, but truthfully not knowing what is best is tearing me up.  i'm the type of person that likes to flip a coin to make meaningless decisions just because even the easy ones can be hard for me.
• i can't do it all.  so many people in my life need extra love right now.  it breaks my heart that i can't be as supportive as i would like... i am praying that people will step up and stand in the gap.  i would love to have direction as to who and how i'll help as well.
• my self-worth is really being attacked.  i have wondered recently why people love me or even want to hang out with me.  i know that the thoughts i'm having are lies, but combined with everything else, i am having a hard time fighting them off.
• this summer is bringing a unique challenge to my faith.  a promise will either be fulfilled or God has other plans for my life.  i'm scared of how i will react to the possible disappointment.

if you have any Bible verses that have encouraged you when times have been tough, please send them my way.  thank you for praying for me.

to be blunt...

today was a rough one.  exhaustion has taken over emotionally and physically.  here are a few things i am wrestling with... prayer would be greatly appreciated.

• i am dreading an upcoming conversation.  fear of causing pain nearly sidelines me and i don't know if i will be able to speak due to overwhelming emotions.
• i need wisdom regarding a decision that i need to make.  lists of pros and cons help, but truthfully not knowing what is best is tearing me up.  i'm the type of person that likes to flip a coin to make meaningless decisions just because even the easy ones can be hard for me.
• i can't do it all.  so many people in my life need extra love right now.  it breaks my heart that i can't be as supportive as i would like... i am praying that people will step up and stand in the gap.  i would love to have direction as to who and how i'll help as well.
• my self-worth is really being attacked.  i have wondered recently why people love me or even want to hang out with me.  i know that the thoughts i'm having are lies, but combined with everything else, i am having a hard time fighting them off.
• this summer is bringing a unique challenge to my faith.  a promise will either be fulfilled or God has other plans for my life.  i'm scared of how i will react to the possible disappointment.

if you have any Bible verses that have encouraged you when times have been tough, please send them my way.  thank you for praying for me.

empty my hands...

this song by tenth avenue north so accurately describes my struggle right now.  go here to listen!

Empty My Hands
Mike Donehey

I've got voices in my head and they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with you

These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

My mind is like a building burning down
I need your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

empty my hands...

this song by tenth avenue north so accurately describes my struggle right now.  go here to listen!

Empty My Hands
Mike Donehey

I've got voices in my head and they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with you

These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

My mind is like a building burning down
I need your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

i registered...

for my first 5k!  i guess i can't back out now.  :o)  something about committing to it and knowing other people will be around really motivates me.  my competitive drive kicks in and gets me moving.  43 more days of training.  my goal is to be able to run the whole way without walking.

something i've been learning is to not underestimate my strength.  whether it is emotionally, spiritually, or physically, i tend to minimize what i can do.  instead of seeing my strengths, i tend to focus on my weaknesses.  i don't see my determination when i have focused on the smaller steps along the way instead of the bigger picture.  

i still have a long way to go, but that does not negate the progress i have made.

i registered...

for my first 5k!  i guess i can't back out now.  :o)  something about committing to it and knowing other people will be around really motivates me.  my competitive drive kicks in and gets me moving.  43 more days of training.  my goal is to be able to run the whole way without walking.

something i've been learning is to not underestimate my strength.  whether it is emotionally, spiritually, or physically, i tend to minimize what i can do.  instead of seeing my strengths, i tend to focus on my weaknesses.  i don't see my determination when i have focused on the smaller steps along the way instead of the bigger picture.  

i still have a long way to go, but that does not negate the progress i have made.

weekend @ the beach.

i just spent the weekend at the beach with some of my favorite people in the world.  it was bittersweet knowing that our group is changing.  five of us have been called to step into different ministries and take a step back from the leadership of the college group at East Hill.

it was a tough time for me.  telling the people i love that God is calling me to step back was heartbreaking to me.  many tears were shed but i know that these friendships will not end here.

weekend @ the beach.

i just spent the weekend at the beach with some of my favorite people in the world.  it was bittersweet knowing that our group is changing.  five of us have been called to step into different ministries and take a step back from the leadership of the college group at East Hill.

it was a tough time for me.  telling the people i love that God is calling me to step back was heartbreaking to me.  many tears were shed but i know that these friendships will not end here.

i'm a little slow...

God has been speaking to me since before march 24th about my schedule.  i have felt His prompting to let go of a commitment and i have been fighting it ever since.

on my walk/run the other day, God gave me a picture of my reluctance.  i am like the hundreds of slugs that i have seen inching their way across the road.  the cars fly by and some slugs are in the wrong place at the wrong time.  my disobedience has kept me at the same intersection for quite awhile now.  the longer i sit here, the more likely i am to be run over.

it's time to move.

i'm a little slow...

God has been speaking to me since before march 24th about my schedule.  i have felt His prompting to let go of a commitment and i have been fighting it ever since.

on my walk/run the other day, God gave me a picture of my reluctance.  i am like the hundreds of slugs that i have seen inching their way across the road.  the cars fly by and some slugs are in the wrong place at the wrong time.  my disobedience has kept me at the same intersection for quite awhile now.  the longer i sit here, the more likely i am to be run over.

it's time to move.

wanna see what i did yesterday?

i totally slacked off and didn't take any pictures...but rae did!  rae, salem and i headed to the portland audubon society for a little adventure.  we met a cool owl, peregrine falcon, turkey vulture and a couple of other birds.  head over to rae's blog to see pictures!

wanna see what i did yesterday?

i totally slacked off and didn't take any pictures...but rae did!  rae, salem and i headed to the portland audubon society for a little adventure.  we met a cool owl, peregrine falcon, turkey vulture and a couple of other birds.  head over to rae's blog to see pictures!

i want to belong.

good news:  the weather was gorgeous today.

bad news:  i have not been to the beach since january (when this photo was taken).

since the sun came out to play today, i saw more miatas than usual.  just like motorcyclists, miata owners acknowledge other miatas with a wave.  several times today i waved at total strangers and they waved back.  with the wind whipping through my hair, i searched my heart to figure out why that simple gesture made me feel so happy.  it all came down to {i belong}.  by owning my car, i belong to the "i own a miata" club.

silly as that sounds, i think we all want to belong.  not necessarily to the miata club...but to something.

as a child of God, i've got countless family members whom i have never met.  wouldn't it be cool to know at a glance that a brother or sister is walking by?  it would be amazing to know in an instant that we have that common ground.

i think God wants that too.  we are called to be set apart (Leviticus 20:26) and to be a light in this world (Matthew 5:16).  but above all we are called to love.

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:35

i want to belong.

good news:  the weather was gorgeous today.

bad news:  i have not been to the beach since january (when this photo was taken).

since the sun came out to play today, i saw more miatas than usual.  just like motorcyclists, miata owners acknowledge other miatas with a wave.  several times today i waved at total strangers and they waved back.  with the wind whipping through my hair, i searched my heart to figure out why that simple gesture made me feel so happy.  it all came down to {i belong}.  by owning my car, i belong to the "i own a miata" club.

silly as that sounds, i think we all want to belong.  not necessarily to the miata club...but to something.

as a child of God, i've got countless family members whom i have never met.  wouldn't it be cool to know at a glance that a brother or sister is walking by?  it would be amazing to know in an instant that we have that common ground.

i think God wants that too.  we are called to be set apart (Leviticus 20:26) and to be a light in this world (Matthew 5:16).  but above all we are called to love.

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:35

dreading the storm.

i see a storm brewing in the distance.  fear of having my faith uprooted has been constantly on my mind.  last night, words of peace washed over my soul.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

just like regular weather forecasts, predictions can be way off.  God won't send a storm that will tear me out of the foundation built on His truth.  branches may be ripped off and the scenery may look drastically different, but my faith will stand firm.

dreading the storm.

i see a storm brewing in the distance.  fear of having my faith uprooted has been constantly on my mind.  last night, words of peace washed over my soul.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

just like regular weather forecasts, predictions can be way off.  God won't send a storm that will tear me out of the foundation built on His truth.  branches may be ripped off and the scenery may look drastically different, but my faith will stand firm.

ah...

amidst the drizzle and cloudy skies, the sunshine in my heart shines on.  God's timing and perfect provision come at just the right moment.  unexpected friendships and joy take a load off of my shoulders.

the quiet hum of cafe d surrounds me as i think about my day and the days coming.  peace invades my heart when i focus on the truth.

I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.  The LORD does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths.  He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

Psalms 135:5-7