raw grace

originally, here is what i was thinking when i named my blog~
raw:  real emotions, uncensored thoughts from my heart
grace:  what my name means in Greek

this week, i realized those two words have significantly been brought to my attention.

recently my heart has been raw due to the emotional roller coaster ride i've been on.  God has been challenging me to quit building walls around it and trust Him to guard it.  it's hard to be vulnerable like that, but the cement around the wounds haven't helped either.

God showed me something amazing about grace recently and you may already realize this...pretty basic stuff but it was a light bulb moment for me.  nobody deserves grace.  grace is defined (by wiktionary) as {free and undeserved favor}.  so all the times i don't feel worthy of the love and forgiveness God is wanting to graciously give to me...well, that's why it is grace.  if i was perfect, i couldn't have grace even if i wanted it.

yesterday i had a much needed date with God in cannon beach.  i can't wait to edit and share the pictures with you!

raw grace

originally, here is what i was thinking when i named my blog~
raw:  real emotions, uncensored thoughts from my heart
grace:  what my name means in Greek

this week, i realized those two words have significantly been brought to my attention.

recently my heart has been raw due to the emotional roller coaster ride i've been on.  God has been challenging me to quit building walls around it and trust Him to guard it.  it's hard to be vulnerable like that, but the cement around the wounds haven't helped either.

God showed me something amazing about grace recently and you may already realize this...pretty basic stuff but it was a light bulb moment for me.  nobody deserves grace.  grace is defined (by wiktionary) as {free and undeserved favor}.  so all the times i don't feel worthy of the love and forgiveness God is wanting to graciously give to me...well, that's why it is grace.  if i was perfect, i couldn't have grace even if i wanted it.

yesterday i had a much needed date with God in cannon beach.  i can't wait to edit and share the pictures with you!

overwhelming love.

the peacefulness of sleep draws me in.  i could stare at these little ones sleeping for a long time without being bored.  love oozes out of my being as i watch them rest.  any baby can melt my heart simply by being themselves.

 

one thing really astounds me.  God loves us in this same way but infinitely more.  He adores us.  we don't need to be striving, but simply resting in His peace. 

i have a hard time accepting that He loves me unless i'm doing something and doing it well.  checklists and obligations often trump the relational importance of being present in the moment.

 

God, draw me into your presence.  help me relish the time with you.  tear down the religious spirit of striving and replace it with an unquenchable desire to be close to you.  highlight the times throughout the day that i could set apart for you.  i want to know you more.  thank you for your overwhelming love.

overwhelming love.

the peacefulness of sleep draws me in.  i could stare at these little ones sleeping for a long time without being bored.  love oozes out of my being as i watch them rest.  any baby can melt my heart simply by being themselves.

 

one thing really astounds me.  God loves us in this same way but infinitely more.  He adores us.  we don't need to be striving, but simply resting in His peace. 

i have a hard time accepting that He loves me unless i'm doing something and doing it well.  checklists and obligations often trump the relational importance of being present in the moment.

 

God, draw me into your presence.  help me relish the time with you.  tear down the religious spirit of striving and replace it with an unquenchable desire to be close to you.  highlight the times throughout the day that i could set apart for you.  i want to know you more.  thank you for your overwhelming love.

two years.

a year ago today i wrote this.

and i'm still waiting...for this promise.

730 days of knowing, seeking and constantly changing emotions.  times of clarity and piles of doubts.

i'm going to be honest with you.  today was rough (even after a pint of ben & jerry's).  patience is wearing thin as i tire of the waiting process.  bitterness about the whole situation is creeping in as i realized the other day that i wish i didn't have the promise at all.  frustration about the unwanted bitterness adds to the daily battle to keep trusting in God's faithfulness.

my birthday is coming in a couple weeks.  mixed emotions overwhelm me as i think about where i figured i would be at this point in my life.  i never imagined i would still be single when i turned 26.

i don't know what tomorrow will bring, but i dread it.  i don't want to fight the doubts or my emotions any longer.  desperate words begging God for a vacation from everything will be on my lips tonight as the tears quietly slide off my face onto my pillow.

please pray that these words invade the storm and bring clarity and peace.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 

 Lamentations 3:19-26

two years.

a year ago today i wrote this.

and i'm still waiting...for this promise.

730 days of knowing, seeking and constantly changing emotions.  times of clarity and piles of doubts.

i'm going to be honest with you.  today was rough (even after a pint of ben & jerry's).  patience is wearing thin as i tire of the waiting process.  bitterness about the whole situation is creeping in as i realized the other day that i wish i didn't have the promise at all.  frustration about the unwanted bitterness adds to the daily battle to keep trusting in God's faithfulness.

my birthday is coming in a couple weeks.  mixed emotions overwhelm me as i think about where i figured i would be at this point in my life.  i never imagined i would still be single when i turned 26.

i don't know what tomorrow will bring, but i dread it.  i don't want to fight the doubts or my emotions any longer.  desperate words begging God for a vacation from everything will be on my lips tonight as the tears quietly slide off my face onto my pillow.

please pray that these words invade the storm and bring clarity and peace.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 

 Lamentations 3:19-26

liquid sunshine.

i figured we would get outside earlier today so we could enjoy the fresh air for as long as possible.  it took about twenty minutes to get dressed and ready and by that time the liquid sunshine had returned.  we went out anyways.

 

 

 

liquid sunshine.

i figured we would get outside earlier today so we could enjoy the fresh air for as long as possible.  it took about twenty minutes to get dressed and ready and by that time the liquid sunshine had returned.  we went out anyways.

 

 

 

today i...

• went for a walk with the kids.  perfect coat weather and no wind!  we didn't really want to come inside, but they needed naps.
• made brownies.  i even had help cleaning the bowl.  :o)
• cried and prayed for Haiti.  for updates and pictures go to http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/ .
• laughed at the American Idol audition again. 
• am going to learn how to play BUNCO!
• listened to TobyMac, Michael Buble, JJ Heller and random Disney songs.

what did you do today?

today i...

• went for a walk with the kids.  perfect coat weather and no wind!  we didn't really want to come inside, but they needed naps.
• made brownies.  i even had help cleaning the bowl.  :o)
• cried and prayed for Haiti.  for updates and pictures go to http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/ .
• laughed at the American Idol audition again. 
• am going to learn how to play BUNCO!
• listened to TobyMac, Michael Buble, JJ Heller and random Disney songs.

what did you do today?

sweet blog posts.

today as i perused google reader, two blog posts stuck out to me.  the first one made me proud of a young football player.  the second one was a great reminder to have patience and grace in every situation.  go check them out!

sweet blog posts.

today as i perused google reader, two blog posts stuck out to me.  the first one made me proud of a young football player.  the second one was a great reminder to have patience and grace in every situation.  go check them out!

one of my favorite songs...

 go here to listen!

 Your Hands 

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

one of my favorite songs...

 go here to listen!

 Your Hands 

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

investments.

One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God, he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."  When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"  For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

Luke 5:1-11

this story astounds me.  the men were just cleaning up after a long night.  i'm guessing that they were tired and a little grumpy after pulling up empty nets over and over again.

Jesus urged them to drop the nets one more time.

are you kidding me!?!  i don't think i would've handled that suggestion well.  excuses and arguments most likely would have flown out of my mouth.

the moment they had been waiting for was within their grasp.  one more time yielded an astonishing result.  after pulling their sinking boats to the shore, they left everything and followed Jesus.

i can't comprehend how much they walked away from.  time, money and lifestyles had been invested and they had just hit the jackpot. however, their focus was not on the blessing, but the source of the blessing.  they chose to live moment by moment with Jesus instead of being drawn into the temporary abundance.

what investments will you and i need to walk away from to fully experience the life God has called us to live?

i wonder who got to sell or eat all that fish...

investments.

One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God, he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."  When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"  For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

Luke 5:1-11

this story astounds me.  the men were just cleaning up after a long night.  i'm guessing that they were tired and a little grumpy after pulling up empty nets over and over again.

Jesus urged them to drop the nets one more time.

are you kidding me!?!  i don't think i would've handled that suggestion well.  excuses and arguments most likely would have flown out of my mouth.

the moment they had been waiting for was within their grasp.  one more time yielded an astonishing result.  after pulling their sinking boats to the shore, they left everything and followed Jesus.

i can't comprehend how much they walked away from.  time, money and lifestyles had been invested and they had just hit the jackpot. however, their focus was not on the blessing, but the source of the blessing.  they chose to live moment by moment with Jesus instead of being drawn into the temporary abundance.

what investments will you and i need to walk away from to fully experience the life God has called us to live?

i wonder who got to sell or eat all that fish...

learning the hard way.

i don't like learning things the hard way, but sometimes i have to.

note to self:  after a long, relaxing hot bath do NOT stand up quickly. 

the day after Christmas i decided to unwind by taking a bath and reading a book.  at some point, i decided that i was done and as i stood up i started to feel a little woozy.  i woke up laying on the floor with my nose wound bleeding.  no clue how exactly i fell or how long i was out.  apparently the heat from the bath and the quick change of elevation can do that.  doing a faceplant on the bathroom floor can be dangerous...thankfully my nose and my knees are the only things that seemed to suffer any consequences. 

it got me thinking.  how many times do i have to learn things the hard way?  i often fight against what God tells me just because it doesn't necessarily seem rational.  i worry and stress out instead of trusting that He has everything planned out for the best possible outcome.

my 2010 resolution = start learning things the easy way

{trusting that the God of the universe knows what He is doing}

learning the hard way.

i don't like learning things the hard way, but sometimes i have to.

note to self:  after a long, relaxing hot bath do NOT stand up quickly. 

the day after Christmas i decided to unwind by taking a bath and reading a book.  at some point, i decided that i was done and as i stood up i started to feel a little woozy.  i woke up laying on the floor with my nose wound bleeding.  no clue how exactly i fell or how long i was out.  apparently the heat from the bath and the quick change of elevation can do that.  doing a faceplant on the bathroom floor can be dangerous...thankfully my nose and my knees are the only things that seemed to suffer any consequences. 

it got me thinking.  how many times do i have to learn things the hard way?  i often fight against what God tells me just because it doesn't necessarily seem rational.  i worry and stress out instead of trusting that He has everything planned out for the best possible outcome.

my 2010 resolution = start learning things the easy way

{trusting that the God of the universe knows what He is doing}

merry christmas...10 days late. :o)

 

 

i had an amazing christmas.  some years disappointment clouded over the true blessings as i focused on the material items i did or did not receive.  walking into this holiday season, i chose (along with my church) to have a different perspective.  if you have not heard of Advent Conspiracy,  i highly recommend that you go check it out.

i had a blast trying to figure out how to cut out unnecessary expenses and creatively still accomplish my to-do list.  my pile of presents made me smile and realize that wrapping paper isn't needed at all.

 

(and yes...that is a burger king bag.)

i am surrounded by family and friends who bless me beyond words can express.  i am loved by God who knows my every thought.  what more could i want for Christmas?

merry christmas...10 days late. :o)

 

 

i had an amazing christmas.  some years disappointment clouded over the true blessings as i focused on the material items i did or did not receive.  walking into this holiday season, i chose (along with my church) to have a different perspective.  if you have not heard of Advent Conspiracy,  i highly recommend that you go check it out.

i had a blast trying to figure out how to cut out unnecessary expenses and creatively still accomplish my to-do list.  my pile of presents made me smile and realize that wrapping paper isn't needed at all.

 

(and yes...that is a burger king bag.)

i am surrounded by family and friends who bless me beyond words can express.  i am loved by God who knows my every thought.  what more could i want for Christmas?