whenever i start to worship, it seems necessary to first push through feelings of guilt and unworthiness. by the time i feel like i'm in a place to worship, the songs are almost over. NOT ANYMORE! with my relationship with God being renewed by these revelations of grace, last night as i began to worship, i jumped right in. i was so blessed and a couple of really cool things happened as a result.
i got a picture from God of what grace can sometimes mean. He wants to dance with me. Sweep me into his arms and lead me into a life that is unfathomable. He knows the steps to take and how to direct me. God's face and full attention are on me. He adores me and doesn't care about my bad breath, the pimples on my face or anything else that i view as an imperfections. He created me, knows how many greasy strands of hair are on my head, knows that i don't know all of the coolest dance moves, and wants to dance with me anyways. one thing that i have learned about myself while dancing is that when I dance with someone who accepts my mediocre ability, the evening will be filled with laughter. this is one of the only areas of my life that i do this, i mess up and i'll just burst out laughing at myself. God used this to speak to my heart that the joy and freedom that He gives is for this purpose. you are covered with grace when you dance with God. you will mess up and he knows that. grace gives you permission to laugh away the guilt and shame. this dance will not be hindered or held back unless you let go of God to grab hold of the things of this world.
after a thought-provoking talk about faith (thanks travis!), our group last night decided to go to applebees. i usually decline if i work the next day, but i felt God urging me to go anyways. i'm so glad that i did. i was SO blessed talking with and learning about the people i sat with. sometimes i tend to be a quiet observer and i'm comfortable with that, but last night i actively interacted with people purposefully. time is so precious and i'm amazed how often i'm not really engaged with people even though i'm surrounded by them. i can really feel God blessing my efforts.
to top that off, God spoke to me about letting go of stuff today. and not just anything, my hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations. azariah was feeding himself breakfast and although i'm quite impressed with his 15-month-old abilities to eat with a spoon (without making a mess even!), he was struggling to clean out the bowl. (he makes sure to finish everything...i think his love of food keeps him from being messy with it. he doesn't drop anything because he wants to eat it!) i offered to help him if he handed me his spoon. yeah...not going to happen. how often do i do that?
"God, you gave me this spoon. why do you want it back? i can figure it out by myself!"
instead of letting go, we make a big mess. anyways, just food for thought. :o) i would just like to encourage you to let go. it feels so counterintuitive, but do it and see what happens. let me know. i love to hear stories!
oh and in regards to living in grace, i have felt so close to God yesterday and today even though i haven't spent much time in the word. i know that i learn so much from reading and spending that time with him and it's necessary, BUT i can still be with God if i haven't read the bible yet today and i don't have to feel guilty. the desire is growing naturally.
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