whenever i start to worship, it seems necessary to first push through feelings of guilt and unworthiness. by the time i feel like i'm in a place to worship, the songs are almost over. NOT ANYMORE! with my relationship with God being renewed by these revelations of grace, last night as i began to worship, i jumped right in. i was so blessed and a couple of really cool things happened as a result.
i got a picture from God of what grace can sometimes mean. He wants to dance with me. Sweep me into his arms and lead me into a life that is unfathomable. He knows the steps to take and how to direct me. God's face and full attention are on me. He adores me and doesn't care about my bad breath, the pimples on my face or anything else that i view as an imperfections. He created me, knows how many greasy strands of hair are on my head, knows that i don't know all of the coolest dance moves, and wants to dance with me anyways. one thing that i have learned about myself while dancing is that when I dance with someone who accepts my mediocre ability, the evening will be filled with laughter. this is one of the only areas of my life that i do this, i mess up and i'll just burst out laughing at myself. God used this to speak to my heart that the joy and freedom that He gives is for this purpose. you are covered with grace when you dance with God. you will mess up and he knows that. grace gives you permission to laugh away the guilt and shame. this dance will not be hindered or held back unless you let go of God to grab hold of the things of this world.
after a thought-provoking talk about faith (thanks travis!), our group last night decided to go to applebees. i usually decline if i work the next day, but i felt God urging me to go anyways. i'm so glad that i did. i was SO blessed talking with and learning about the people i sat with. sometimes i tend to be a quiet observer and i'm comfortable with that, but last night i actively interacted with people purposefully. time is so precious and i'm amazed how often i'm not really engaged with people even though i'm surrounded by them. i can really feel God blessing my efforts.
to top that off, God spoke to me about letting go of stuff today. and not just anything, my hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations. azariah was feeding himself breakfast and although i'm quite impressed with his 15-month-old abilities to eat with a spoon (without making a mess even!), he was struggling to clean out the bowl. (he makes sure to finish everything...i think his love of food keeps him from being messy with it. he doesn't drop anything because he wants to eat it!) i offered to help him if he handed me his spoon. yeah...not going to happen. how often do i do that?
"God, you gave me this spoon. why do you want it back? i can figure it out by myself!"
instead of letting go, we make a big mess. anyways, just food for thought. :o) i would just like to encourage you to let go. it feels so counterintuitive, but do it and see what happens. let me know. i love to hear stories!
oh and in regards to living in grace, i have felt so close to God yesterday and today even though i haven't spent much time in the word. i know that i learn so much from reading and spending that time with him and it's necessary, BUT i can still be with God if i haven't read the bible yet today and i don't have to feel guilty. the desire is growing naturally.
01 May 2009
letting go and being blessed!
whenever i start to worship, it seems necessary to first push through feelings of guilt and unworthiness. by the time i feel like i'm in a place to worship, the songs are almost over. NOT ANYMORE! with my relationship with God being renewed by these revelations of grace, last night as i began to worship, i jumped right in. i was so blessed and a couple of really cool things happened as a result.
i got a picture from God of what grace can sometimes mean. He wants to dance with me. Sweep me into his arms and lead me into a life that is unfathomable. He knows the steps to take and how to direct me. God's face and full attention are on me. He adores me and doesn't care about my bad breath, the pimples on my face or anything else that i view as an imperfections. He created me, knows how many greasy strands of hair are on my head, knows that i don't know all of the coolest dance moves, and wants to dance with me anyways. one thing that i have learned about myself while dancing is that when I dance with someone who accepts my mediocre ability, the evening will be filled with laughter. this is one of the only areas of my life that i do this, i mess up and i'll just burst out laughing at myself. God used this to speak to my heart that the joy and freedom that He gives is for this purpose. you are covered with grace when you dance with God. you will mess up and he knows that. grace gives you permission to laugh away the guilt and shame. this dance will not be hindered or held back unless you let go of God to grab hold of the things of this world.
after a thought-provoking talk about faith (thanks travis!), our group last night decided to go to applebees. i usually decline if i work the next day, but i felt God urging me to go anyways. i'm so glad that i did. i was SO blessed talking with and learning about the people i sat with. sometimes i tend to be a quiet observer and i'm comfortable with that, but last night i actively interacted with people purposefully. time is so precious and i'm amazed how often i'm not really engaged with people even though i'm surrounded by them. i can really feel God blessing my efforts.
to top that off, God spoke to me about letting go of stuff today. and not just anything, my hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations. azariah was feeding himself breakfast and although i'm quite impressed with his 15-month-old abilities to eat with a spoon (without making a mess even!), he was struggling to clean out the bowl. (he makes sure to finish everything...i think his love of food keeps him from being messy with it. he doesn't drop anything because he wants to eat it!) i offered to help him if he handed me his spoon. yeah...not going to happen. how often do i do that?
"God, you gave me this spoon. why do you want it back? i can figure it out by myself!"
instead of letting go, we make a big mess. anyways, just food for thought. :o) i would just like to encourage you to let go. it feels so counterintuitive, but do it and see what happens. let me know. i love to hear stories!
oh and in regards to living in grace, i have felt so close to God yesterday and today even though i haven't spent much time in the word. i know that i learn so much from reading and spending that time with him and it's necessary, BUT i can still be with God if i haven't read the bible yet today and i don't have to feel guilty. the desire is growing naturally.
i got a picture from God of what grace can sometimes mean. He wants to dance with me. Sweep me into his arms and lead me into a life that is unfathomable. He knows the steps to take and how to direct me. God's face and full attention are on me. He adores me and doesn't care about my bad breath, the pimples on my face or anything else that i view as an imperfections. He created me, knows how many greasy strands of hair are on my head, knows that i don't know all of the coolest dance moves, and wants to dance with me anyways. one thing that i have learned about myself while dancing is that when I dance with someone who accepts my mediocre ability, the evening will be filled with laughter. this is one of the only areas of my life that i do this, i mess up and i'll just burst out laughing at myself. God used this to speak to my heart that the joy and freedom that He gives is for this purpose. you are covered with grace when you dance with God. you will mess up and he knows that. grace gives you permission to laugh away the guilt and shame. this dance will not be hindered or held back unless you let go of God to grab hold of the things of this world.
after a thought-provoking talk about faith (thanks travis!), our group last night decided to go to applebees. i usually decline if i work the next day, but i felt God urging me to go anyways. i'm so glad that i did. i was SO blessed talking with and learning about the people i sat with. sometimes i tend to be a quiet observer and i'm comfortable with that, but last night i actively interacted with people purposefully. time is so precious and i'm amazed how often i'm not really engaged with people even though i'm surrounded by them. i can really feel God blessing my efforts.
to top that off, God spoke to me about letting go of stuff today. and not just anything, my hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations. azariah was feeding himself breakfast and although i'm quite impressed with his 15-month-old abilities to eat with a spoon (without making a mess even!), he was struggling to clean out the bowl. (he makes sure to finish everything...i think his love of food keeps him from being messy with it. he doesn't drop anything because he wants to eat it!) i offered to help him if he handed me his spoon. yeah...not going to happen. how often do i do that?
"God, you gave me this spoon. why do you want it back? i can figure it out by myself!"
instead of letting go, we make a big mess. anyways, just food for thought. :o) i would just like to encourage you to let go. it feels so counterintuitive, but do it and see what happens. let me know. i love to hear stories!
oh and in regards to living in grace, i have felt so close to God yesterday and today even though i haven't spent much time in the word. i know that i learn so much from reading and spending that time with him and it's necessary, BUT i can still be with God if i haven't read the bible yet today and i don't have to feel guilty. the desire is growing naturally.
23 April 2009
trail guides, maps & grace
long tedious hours of intense brain activity have been occupying my spare time. aka, i've been thinking a lot. :o) struggling with and pondering the fundamentals of life.
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
trail guides, maps & grace
long tedious hours of intense brain activity have been occupying my spare time. aka, i've been thinking a lot. :o) struggling with and pondering the fundamentals of life.
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
18 April 2009
these are a few of my favorite things...
~these things have made my heart happy this week~
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
these are a few of my favorite things...
~these things have made my heart happy this week~
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
17 April 2009
tribute
who -- talia, me, my brother trevor, and our friend chad
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
beyond my comprehension, God allowed chad to leave this world. i will never know why, but i pray that i wake up to the fact that striving and perfectionism are killing me. often my commitment to God is half-hearted. i want family, close friends, acquaintances and even strangers to have no doubts as to where my heart lies. transparency and being fully abandoned to my faith in God are my goals.
i miss you chad.
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