fear.

on thursday night, we had an all worship night at our college group.  it quenched a thirst that i didn't even know existed.  as i sang, i asked for hope.  in His usual fashion of being not quite what i expected,  God came through in a big way.

lately fear has overwhelmed me to the point that i try to ignore entire parts of my heart and life, specifically in regards to my future.  emotion packed questions leave me dreading my reaction to possible scenarios.

how lost would i be if this happened?
what would i do if that happened?
where would i run if my world came crashing down around me?
could i put together the pieces of my broken heart after something like this?

i am petrified that i misunderstood God or merely thought the words instead of hearing them.  i fear that the devastation to my heart would be more than i could face.  my confidence in hearing God would be shattered and i'm afraid to know where that would leave me.

through the words spoken by the worship leader and the quiet whisper of God, hope again surged through my veins.  especially during the last two years, the trust i have in God has been tried and challenged.  i have fallen more times than i've stood strong, but have learned so much in the failures.

i fear being lost, but God would do anything to find me.

i fear being hurt, but God knows my heart better than i do.

i'm afraid that there won't be enough time, but God designed time and is orchestrating every second.