long tedious hours of intense brain activity have been occupying my spare time. aka, i've been thinking a lot. :o) struggling with and pondering the fundamentals of life.
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
23 April 2009
trail guides, maps & grace
long tedious hours of intense brain activity have been occupying my spare time. aka, i've been thinking a lot. :o) struggling with and pondering the fundamentals of life.
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
my ENTIRE life, i have been taught about heaven and hell. i know that they exist. i know that i want to go to heaven and i don't want to go to hell. lately it has been a struggle to really grasp that people do go to hell. it is easy for me to think that only really bad people who do horrible things go there. but that is NOT what the bible says.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find in." Matthew 7:13-14
what road am i on? to be perfectly honest, i believe i'm on the wrong path. i want so desperately to be on the right trail, and i'm praying for God's guidance.
you see, i like and dislike the idea of "earning" my way to heaven. it's so much easier for my mind to grasp that i need to live by these rules and accomplish this or that. at the same time, i hate the fact that i mess up too often. i never reach these unobtainable goals. i tend to think that if i try hard enough, eventually i'll be perfect. when will i learn?
as i read this passage in matthew, i was struck with a comparison i'd heard recently. basically, there are two main "paths" that christians take. the first is the legalistic path. earn your way, be your best, and live by the rules. doesn't really include God, does it? the second is grace. living fully for God, allowing Him to lead and guide, accepting the grace He freely offers, and totally depending on God every moment.
when i embark on new hiking adventures, i prefer to know what lies ahead. how difficult will it be? what obstacles will i face? i like maps. i like the predictability that things won't change. just stay on the path, work through the pain, and eventually you will reach your goal. this is how i live and i'm learning that this has put distance between me and God that i've always felt but never understood. God wants to be my trail guide. He wants to take me off the beaten path so i am completely lost with Him. i cannot reach my ultimate goal unless i accept His grace.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7
i'm on a journey to learn about grace. the way i've been living my life is full of frustrating guilt that i'm not enough. grace demolishes that. i want my life to be an example of what grace looks like. i know it's not a coincidence that my name means grace.
okay, so i need help. what does grace mean to you? how do you live in His grace? what scriptures have been your inspiration for living abandoned for God? let me know and i'll keep you guys updated on what i'm learning too!
18 April 2009
these are a few of my favorite things...
~these things have made my heart happy this week~
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
these are a few of my favorite things...
~these things have made my heart happy this week~
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
this video clip from britain's got talent blew me away and gave me goosebumps. while watching it, i felt SO proud and happy for her! watch it here!
here is my new favorite worship song. i only wish i could watch the video from my church's easter program as they beautifully signed along with the music. SO amazingly powerful! listen up!
all of the spring flowers and blossoming trees bring joy to my heart. my new favorite trees are magnolia trees!
17 April 2009
tribute
who -- talia, me, my brother trevor, and our friend chad
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
beyond my comprehension, God allowed chad to leave this world. i will never know why, but i pray that i wake up to the fact that striving and perfectionism are killing me. often my commitment to God is half-hearted. i want family, close friends, acquaintances and even strangers to have no doubts as to where my heart lies. transparency and being fully abandoned to my faith in God are my goals.
i miss you chad.
tribute
who -- talia, me, my brother trevor, and our friend chad
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
what -- an adventure!
where -- albany -> newport
when -- the night before talia left for her freshman year @ SPU
why -- going away fun! chad was a pilot and volunteered to take us for a ride!
funnest memories -- chad's trick on talia :o), doing zero gravity fun...until my stomach felt funny, me and tal flying the plane for a while
i was not able to attend chad's funeral today, but i found this picture from back in 2002. an evening filled with laughter and excitement. chad was FULL of adventure. it makes me smile to think back at all of the funny stuff that he would do. tears silently fall down my cheeks when i think of the times he struggled in life. i think about how influential and powerful he would have been for God's kingdom if he had committed his life fully to God's glory.
beyond my comprehension, God allowed chad to leave this world. i will never know why, but i pray that i wake up to the fact that striving and perfectionism are killing me. often my commitment to God is half-hearted. i want family, close friends, acquaintances and even strangers to have no doubts as to where my heart lies. transparency and being fully abandoned to my faith in God are my goals.
i miss you chad.
you like pictures, right?
okay, so if you hadn't noticed...i love taking pictures! especially of my nephews and niece. :o) here is to catch up on some of the fun stuff we've been up to. (btw, mari's friend is baby "b" who invited us to the fun!)
the easter egg hunt we went to was AMAZING! an older couple had it on their farm and we guesstimated that there were probably 500-700 eggs. cool prizes from candy to stuffed animals to silver dollars. the silver dollars were the grand finale. (the green eggs that meshach has!)
can you tell they like being outside? these were taken last week during our gorgeous days of sunshine. i can't wait to go for walks and visit parks this summer.
anytime the sprinkles subside the adventures begin. today was sidewalk chalk, big wheels (i wish i had one in my size!) and basketball. so fun!
you like pictures, right?
okay, so if you hadn't noticed...i love taking pictures! especially of my nephews and niece. :o) here is to catch up on some of the fun stuff we've been up to. (btw, mari's friend is baby "b" who invited us to the fun!)
the easter egg hunt we went to was AMAZING! an older couple had it on their farm and we guesstimated that there were probably 500-700 eggs. cool prizes from candy to stuffed animals to silver dollars. the silver dollars were the grand finale. (the green eggs that meshach has!)
can you tell they like being outside? these were taken last week during our gorgeous days of sunshine. i can't wait to go for walks and visit parks this summer.
anytime the sprinkles subside the adventures begin. today was sidewalk chalk, big wheels (i wish i had one in my size!) and basketball. so fun!
16 April 2009
emotional vomit
i'm warning you...this post will be raw and un-edited...a reflection of my week's thoughts, turmoil and tears.
i don't know where to start. well, there really is no logical place so...
i don't know where to start. well, there really is no logical place so...
- my heart is so heavy. time is slipping away in a fog of oppression. i feel the need to be more productive, more dedicated, more everything and yet feel like i'm stuck in mud. there are people around...i feel their love, but i don't reach out. the mud is messy, a burden, and not pretty. i recognize my weakness in isolation. one step at a time. i'm reaching out more, but i know God wants more for me.
- earlier this week, during this emotional chaos i felt so alone. i was blinded from seeing the multitude of amazing friends i have. it's been such a blessing to cry out to God and be so overwhelmed with reminders of the people who care. i don't know what i would do without you guys.
- while reading the story of jonah in a children's bible this week, i gained a new perspective. how did the people on the ship with jonah respond to the need to throw him overboard? they were terrified! they tried everything else first... when i know i need to do something and it may hurt me or others, i respond similarly. BUT God has a plan. who would've thought a huge fish would come to swallow jonah and spit him out on land? not me! i wonder if those sailors ever found out the rest of the story?
- i woke up at 4:50 am to take my parents to the airport this morning. bleh. it's almost time for me to take a morning nap. i like my sleep.
- most likely i will not be able to go to chad's funeral. this is hard, but i realize that being there is not the only way to process and mourn his death. i NEED to take time to do that. i have a tendency to stuff my emotions until something triggers an explosion. a ticking time bomb. no good.
- i have put my singing audition on the back burner. hmmm. if that's not my typical perfectionistic procrastination, i don't know what is. anyways, i need to kick this! thinking about time priorities lately had me briefly thinking that this needs to wait, but i know that i'm using that as an excuse and an easy way out. I KNOW GOD WANTS ME TO DO THIS. time to get moving.
- nice weather is on it's way this weekend. words cannot express how much this delights me. ah, to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. now all i need is my convertible...
- saturday. i just decided that saturday is the day. no tv, no movies, no shopping. a day to mourn. a day to rest in the gracious arms of the Great Healer.
- i need a vacation. the fatigue of striving, the darkness of the world and the drive of perfectionism has burnt me out. a breath of fresh ocean air with a hint of surfboard wax would do. the frigid water piercing through the fog of life as i feel the power of the ocean under the surfboard. OR laying in this hammock.
- the miles between talia and i are breaking my heart. this week i have felt the distance more than any other time. maybe i should kidnap talia and bring her to the beach with me...
- i crave pop, junk food and pizza when i'm stressed. this doesn't help the fact that i'm trying to eat healthier. my ability to resist my comfort foods was pretty much demolished this week.
- things that make me happy (in no order whatsoever) -- donuts after waking up REALLY early, baby giggles, my mom not being able to tell my brother something because she is laughing too hard, watching the sunrise (although this doesn't happen often for me...have i mentioned i like sleep?), planning a hike for this sunday with a friend, knowing that God's grace is enough, feeling lighter after releasing pent-up emotions
emotional vomit
i'm warning you...this post will be raw and un-edited...a reflection of my week's thoughts, turmoil and tears.
i don't know where to start. well, there really is no logical place so...
i don't know where to start. well, there really is no logical place so...
- my heart is so heavy. time is slipping away in a fog of oppression. i feel the need to be more productive, more dedicated, more everything and yet feel like i'm stuck in mud. there are people around...i feel their love, but i don't reach out. the mud is messy, a burden, and not pretty. i recognize my weakness in isolation. one step at a time. i'm reaching out more, but i know God wants more for me.
- earlier this week, during this emotional chaos i felt so alone. i was blinded from seeing the multitude of amazing friends i have. it's been such a blessing to cry out to God and be so overwhelmed with reminders of the people who care. i don't know what i would do without you guys.
- while reading the story of jonah in a children's bible this week, i gained a new perspective. how did the people on the ship with jonah respond to the need to throw him overboard? they were terrified! they tried everything else first... when i know i need to do something and it may hurt me or others, i respond similarly. BUT God has a plan. who would've thought a huge fish would come to swallow jonah and spit him out on land? not me! i wonder if those sailors ever found out the rest of the story?
- i woke up at 4:50 am to take my parents to the airport this morning. bleh. it's almost time for me to take a morning nap. i like my sleep.
- most likely i will not be able to go to chad's funeral. this is hard, but i realize that being there is not the only way to process and mourn his death. i NEED to take time to do that. i have a tendency to stuff my emotions until something triggers an explosion. a ticking time bomb. no good.
- i have put my singing audition on the back burner. hmmm. if that's not my typical perfectionistic procrastination, i don't know what is. anyways, i need to kick this! thinking about time priorities lately had me briefly thinking that this needs to wait, but i know that i'm using that as an excuse and an easy way out. I KNOW GOD WANTS ME TO DO THIS. time to get moving.
- nice weather is on it's way this weekend. words cannot express how much this delights me. ah, to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. now all i need is my convertible...
- saturday. i just decided that saturday is the day. no tv, no movies, no shopping. a day to mourn. a day to rest in the gracious arms of the Great Healer.
- i need a vacation. the fatigue of striving, the darkness of the world and the drive of perfectionism has burnt me out. a breath of fresh ocean air with a hint of surfboard wax would do. the frigid water piercing through the fog of life as i feel the power of the ocean under the surfboard. OR laying in this hammock.
- the miles between talia and i are breaking my heart. this week i have felt the distance more than any other time. maybe i should kidnap talia and bring her to the beach with me...
- i crave pop, junk food and pizza when i'm stressed. this doesn't help the fact that i'm trying to eat healthier. my ability to resist my comfort foods was pretty much demolished this week.
- things that make me happy (in no order whatsoever) -- donuts after waking up REALLY early, baby giggles, my mom not being able to tell my brother something because she is laughing too hard, watching the sunrise (although this doesn't happen often for me...have i mentioned i like sleep?), planning a hike for this sunday with a friend, knowing that God's grace is enough, feeling lighter after releasing pent-up emotions
13 April 2009
grieving.
this year seems to be full of tragic or sudden loss. since january, my immediate family has been deeply affected by five deaths. young or old, healthy or sick...it hasn't mattered. life is so fragile.
yesterday, i received a phone call about one of my brothers' good friends from high school. chad apparently fell out of the bed of a pick-up truck while it was moving and died of serious head injuries. he was 30 years old. i don't know where he stood with his relationship with God.
this is so hard to process. out of all of my brothers' friends, he was the one that would sit and talk to my parents and the little annoying sisters even if my brothers weren't home. he had a contagious laugh and a magnetic personality. everyone wanted to be his friend. at one point, i had a huge crush on him. :o)
as i look back, i wonder how i could have been more open about God. how many times do i censor my heart in front of people because i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable? ugh. my heart breaks in light of all of the missed opportunities that are gone.
i don't know everything and i don't have all of the answers. i'm scared of what people will say or think about me. i don't want to be rejected. sadly, i let these fears and weaknesses that EVERYONE has stop me from reaching out to people. in hindsight, i would talk more openly with chad. i don't have that opportunity anymore, but there are a lot more opportunities around me daily.
what is it going to take? when will i wake up and really start living each moment as if it was my last?
yesterday, i received a phone call about one of my brothers' good friends from high school. chad apparently fell out of the bed of a pick-up truck while it was moving and died of serious head injuries. he was 30 years old. i don't know where he stood with his relationship with God.
this is so hard to process. out of all of my brothers' friends, he was the one that would sit and talk to my parents and the little annoying sisters even if my brothers weren't home. he had a contagious laugh and a magnetic personality. everyone wanted to be his friend. at one point, i had a huge crush on him. :o)
as i look back, i wonder how i could have been more open about God. how many times do i censor my heart in front of people because i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable? ugh. my heart breaks in light of all of the missed opportunities that are gone.
i don't know everything and i don't have all of the answers. i'm scared of what people will say or think about me. i don't want to be rejected. sadly, i let these fears and weaknesses that EVERYONE has stop me from reaching out to people. in hindsight, i would talk more openly with chad. i don't have that opportunity anymore, but there are a lot more opportunities around me daily.
what is it going to take? when will i wake up and really start living each moment as if it was my last?
grieving.
this year seems to be full of tragic or sudden loss. since january, my immediate family has been deeply affected by five deaths. young or old, healthy or sick...it hasn't mattered. life is so fragile.
yesterday, i received a phone call about one of my brothers' good friends from high school. chad apparently fell out of the bed of a pick-up truck while it was moving and died of serious head injuries. he was 30 years old. i don't know where he stood with his relationship with God.
this is so hard to process. out of all of my brothers' friends, he was the one that would sit and talk to my parents and the little annoying sisters even if my brothers weren't home. he had a contagious laugh and a magnetic personality. everyone wanted to be his friend. at one point, i had a huge crush on him. :o)
as i look back, i wonder how i could have been more open about God. how many times do i censor my heart in front of people because i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable? ugh. my heart breaks in light of all of the missed opportunities that are gone.
i don't know everything and i don't have all of the answers. i'm scared of what people will say or think about me. i don't want to be rejected. sadly, i let these fears and weaknesses that EVERYONE has stop me from reaching out to people. in hindsight, i would talk more openly with chad. i don't have that opportunity anymore, but there are a lot more opportunities around me daily.
what is it going to take? when will i wake up and really start living each moment as if it was my last?
yesterday, i received a phone call about one of my brothers' good friends from high school. chad apparently fell out of the bed of a pick-up truck while it was moving and died of serious head injuries. he was 30 years old. i don't know where he stood with his relationship with God.
this is so hard to process. out of all of my brothers' friends, he was the one that would sit and talk to my parents and the little annoying sisters even if my brothers weren't home. he had a contagious laugh and a magnetic personality. everyone wanted to be his friend. at one point, i had a huge crush on him. :o)
as i look back, i wonder how i could have been more open about God. how many times do i censor my heart in front of people because i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable? ugh. my heart breaks in light of all of the missed opportunities that are gone.
i don't know everything and i don't have all of the answers. i'm scared of what people will say or think about me. i don't want to be rejected. sadly, i let these fears and weaknesses that EVERYONE has stop me from reaching out to people. in hindsight, i would talk more openly with chad. i don't have that opportunity anymore, but there are a lot more opportunities around me daily.
what is it going to take? when will i wake up and really start living each moment as if it was my last?
07 April 2009
pyramids vs. mobiles
i currently just re-read the book "The Shack" by William P. Young. one of the paragraphs really convicted me this time through.
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life -- your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities -- is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."
i've always been frustrated about my priorities. i'll figure out what i want them to look like, and make all sorts of lists, but inevitably i fail and feel guilty. could it be that i shouldn't have God on my list? is that one of the reasons that it never works...it was never meant to be that way?
"If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"
how much guilt have i suffered through by using this faulty idea of scheduling God into my day? don't get me wrong, i'm NOT saying to disregard time in the Word or praying or daily devotions or things like that. what i am saying is that God doesn't show up for his "appointment" and then leave. HE WANTS ALL OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! that overwhelms me, but listen to this quote from the book.
"I've never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And beyond that, because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me."
hmmm. lots to digest and think about. if you haven't read this book, i highly recommend it.
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life -- your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities -- is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."
i've always been frustrated about my priorities. i'll figure out what i want them to look like, and make all sorts of lists, but inevitably i fail and feel guilty. could it be that i shouldn't have God on my list? is that one of the reasons that it never works...it was never meant to be that way?
"If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"
how much guilt have i suffered through by using this faulty idea of scheduling God into my day? don't get me wrong, i'm NOT saying to disregard time in the Word or praying or daily devotions or things like that. what i am saying is that God doesn't show up for his "appointment" and then leave. HE WANTS ALL OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! that overwhelms me, but listen to this quote from the book.
"I've never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And beyond that, because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me."
hmmm. lots to digest and think about. if you haven't read this book, i highly recommend it.
pyramids vs. mobiles
i currently just re-read the book "The Shack" by William P. Young. one of the paragraphs really convicted me this time through.
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life -- your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities -- is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."
i've always been frustrated about my priorities. i'll figure out what i want them to look like, and make all sorts of lists, but inevitably i fail and feel guilty. could it be that i shouldn't have God on my list? is that one of the reasons that it never works...it was never meant to be that way?
"If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"
how much guilt have i suffered through by using this faulty idea of scheduling God into my day? don't get me wrong, i'm NOT saying to disregard time in the Word or praying or daily devotions or things like that. what i am saying is that God doesn't show up for his "appointment" and then leave. HE WANTS ALL OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! that overwhelms me, but listen to this quote from the book.
"I've never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And beyond that, because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me."
hmmm. lots to digest and think about. if you haven't read this book, i highly recommend it.
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life -- your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities -- is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."
i've always been frustrated about my priorities. i'll figure out what i want them to look like, and make all sorts of lists, but inevitably i fail and feel guilty. could it be that i shouldn't have God on my list? is that one of the reasons that it never works...it was never meant to be that way?
"If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"
how much guilt have i suffered through by using this faulty idea of scheduling God into my day? don't get me wrong, i'm NOT saying to disregard time in the Word or praying or daily devotions or things like that. what i am saying is that God doesn't show up for his "appointment" and then leave. HE WANTS ALL OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! that overwhelms me, but listen to this quote from the book.
"I've never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And beyond that, because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me."
hmmm. lots to digest and think about. if you haven't read this book, i highly recommend it.
05 April 2009
*mazda miata*
i have dreamed about owning a miata since high school. for whatever reason, they have always been my favorite. i've never seriously looked into buying one because they are not quite a family car. but...who knows when i'll have a family to haul around anyways? well, today in this amazing, gorgeous, spectacular summery weather, i got to ride in one!!! my adopted family (the family i live with) has a miata and i absolutely love it! today's little adventure has me thinking about wanting one...again. ack. there is the whole $$$ issue though. well, so here is the thing. i'm praying for one. God only knows why i like these little cars so much and only He knows whether or not i'll ever own one. God has a crazy cool way of blessing us with our wildest dreams sometimes so, this is one of my wild dreams. who knows what will happen? :o)p.s. if you pray with me, i'll give you a ride in it! ha ha ha! just kidding...kinda, well... hmmm, not really!
*mazda miata*
i have dreamed about owning a miata since high school. for whatever reason, they have always been my favorite. i've never seriously looked into buying one because they are not quite a family car. but...who knows when i'll have a family to haul around anyways? well, today in this amazing, gorgeous, spectacular summery weather, i got to ride in one!!! my adopted family (the family i live with) has a miata and i absolutely love it! today's little adventure has me thinking about wanting one...again. ack. there is the whole $$$ issue though. well, so here is the thing. i'm praying for one. God only knows why i like these little cars so much and only He knows whether or not i'll ever own one. God has a crazy cool way of blessing us with our wildest dreams sometimes so, this is one of my wild dreams. who knows what will happen? :o)p.s. if you pray with me, i'll give you a ride in it! ha ha ha! just kidding...kinda, well... hmmm, not really!
01 April 2009
busy busy busy
ok, i have gotten a little behind on this...again. so here is another random list. :o)
- i moved! pictures of my new room will be posted on friday. I LOVE IT! i just finished re-arranging and putting everything away. ahhh. anyone want to come see it?
- i can't wait until summer. this rain is just too dreary. waking up to bright blue skies makes me smile.
- srivichai thai restaurant in downtown gresham has delicious food and a hilarious owner. i highly recommend it for the tastes and the atmosphere.
- my friends are such blessings. God has really been using them to encourage me. so amazing.
- be in prayer for an acquaintance, she is in an abusive relationship. my heart is devastated for her. i don't know details but i'm praying specifically for her to desire freedom from this relationship and that she discovers her worth through God.
- this season of american idol has me hooked. my top two favorites are danny and kris. here is MY rundown: adam- last week on motown week, i loved his performance. most weeks i don't. he has great vocal abilities, but his screaming/yelling bugs me. i really don't know how to describe it. he may win but i hope not. allison- WOW! i wouldn't necessarily buy her cd, but she is amazing. i wouldn't mind if she won. anoop- too boy-bandish for me. have never really liked him for whatever reason. danny- i love his unique sound. i can't wait to buy one of his cds when it comes out. vocally and personality wise, he seems so friendly and personable. kris- he has such a sweet sound too. probably my favorite voice of this season. don't know if they will necessarily choose him as american idol, but i will buy his cd the day it comes out! lil- such a sweet personality. she started out SO strong, but i feel like she's becoming more mediocre as the season progresses. i hope she stays on longer! matt- okay voice, but i really don't connect with him at all. bye matt! megan- interesting sound. great potential if she tones it back a little bit. i like watching her sing. scott- i'm proud of the things he has overcome, and he is amazing with the piano. BUT he is not in the same league vocally. bye scott. can't wait to see tonight's show!
busy busy busy
ok, i have gotten a little behind on this...again. so here is another random list. :o)
- i moved! pictures of my new room will be posted on friday. I LOVE IT! i just finished re-arranging and putting everything away. ahhh. anyone want to come see it?
- i can't wait until summer. this rain is just too dreary. waking up to bright blue skies makes me smile.
- srivichai thai restaurant in downtown gresham has delicious food and a hilarious owner. i highly recommend it for the tastes and the atmosphere.
- my friends are such blessings. God has really been using them to encourage me. so amazing.
- be in prayer for an acquaintance, she is in an abusive relationship. my heart is devastated for her. i don't know details but i'm praying specifically for her to desire freedom from this relationship and that she discovers her worth through God.
- this season of american idol has me hooked. my top two favorites are danny and kris. here is MY rundown: adam- last week on motown week, i loved his performance. most weeks i don't. he has great vocal abilities, but his screaming/yelling bugs me. i really don't know how to describe it. he may win but i hope not. allison- WOW! i wouldn't necessarily buy her cd, but she is amazing. i wouldn't mind if she won. anoop- too boy-bandish for me. have never really liked him for whatever reason. danny- i love his unique sound. i can't wait to buy one of his cds when it comes out. vocally and personality wise, he seems so friendly and personable. kris- he has such a sweet sound too. probably my favorite voice of this season. don't know if they will necessarily choose him as american idol, but i will buy his cd the day it comes out! lil- such a sweet personality. she started out SO strong, but i feel like she's becoming more mediocre as the season progresses. i hope she stays on longer! matt- okay voice, but i really don't connect with him at all. bye matt! megan- interesting sound. great potential if she tones it back a little bit. i like watching her sing. scott- i'm proud of the things he has overcome, and he is amazing with the piano. BUT he is not in the same league vocally. bye scott. can't wait to see tonight's show!
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