change in the making

change in the making

i am sore.

my muscles are aching.  mostly from a combination of camping, wakeboarding and kayaking, but even deeper than that...my heart aches.  it yearns for the things i don't have and the loss of a dream.

i thought things would look different.  i thought i might be devastated.  i counted on a certain support team, but instead received peace from the only one who can grant peace.

i don't know where to go from here but i don't feel lost.

i am sore.

my muscles are aching.  mostly from a combination of camping, wakeboarding and kayaking, but even deeper than that...my heart aches.  it yearns for the things i don't have and the loss of a dream.

i thought things would look different.  i thought i might be devastated.  i counted on a certain support team, but instead received peace from the only one who can grant peace.

i don't know where to go from here but i don't feel lost.

life.

well hello there...it has been awhile.  so much is changing and i have been overwhelmed with the monstrosity that is my life.  i've come to realize that i don't want to write light, fluffy stuff if that is not how the days are going.  i am spending most of my time filling my every moment with things to do or checking out for a few hours by doing senseless stuff like tv and reading.  i don't feel strong enough to face things so i have resisted blogging about them as well.  once you put your thoughts into words it makes them seem a little bit more real and that scares me.

a miracle would be really nice right about now.

life.

well hello there...it has been awhile.  so much is changing and i have been overwhelmed with the monstrosity that is my life.  i've come to realize that i don't want to write light, fluffy stuff if that is not how the days are going.  i am spending most of my time filling my every moment with things to do or checking out for a few hours by doing senseless stuff like tv and reading.  i don't feel strong enough to face things so i have resisted blogging about them as well.  once you put your thoughts into words it makes them seem a little bit more real and that scares me.

a miracle would be really nice right about now.

on the edge.

i feel the constant pressure as the water continues to rise.  small streams cascade down my cheeks as the wind picks up.  the tiniest pebble causes a ripple effect and i can't hold back the tears.  this flood threatens to demolish the structure i so carefully constructed.

this season has me reeling.  though the list of struggles may seem small, the foundation being rocked has far-reaching influence.  the core of who i am and what i believe is being challenged.

i'm scared of where i will run if everything around me falls.