needtobreathe

a daunting to-do list is constantly running through my mind.  the weight of things on my shoulders right now has brought me to a place of consistent stress.  though i'm extremely excited about my YWAM adventure, it boggles my brain how many things i have to sort out.  whew...  good thing i have absolutely NOTHING planned for this Saturday beyond hanging out with God.  that is what is getting me through this week.

(oh, and beyond the fact that i need to slow down and take a breath...needtobreathe has been a consistent playlist lately.  i love them.)

hmmm...while sitting here trying to figure out what to write next, i got convicted.  i have been trying so hard not to worry about finances and just trust God to provide in that area but i haven't stepped into that with my to-do list.  i'm pretty sure the creator of time, orchestrator of life and multitasker extraordinaire could help me figure things out.  geez.  hopefully i'll learn my lesson soon enough.  :o)

{deep breath}

time to drop the top on my car, soak up some sunshine and enjoy strawberry waffles with people i love.

boldness.

yesterday i ventured beyond my typical church family and visited a different church.  a creature of habit and comfort, even this little change in scenery caused some insecurities to creep in.  though i long for new adventures, i tend to shrink back into myself until i have observed for a while and get my bearings.  not always a bad thing, i also can miss out on some pretty sweet stuff.

a few minutes after sitting down i notice a couple people come in that i recognize.  i had gone to school with their older brother since kindergarten and we had grown up within a block from each other.  not sure if they would remember me, i basically ignored them.

songs began and God began working on my heart.  in the past, some have mentioned my quietness coming across as snobbish and i was devastated that my actions were perceived that way.  a boldness came over me and it saddened me that even within the church walls i would be so afraid of a possible slightly awkward conversation.

after church i seized the opportunity to talk to them.  not only did they remember me but thanked me for coming over and talking to them.  i felt like my heart was smiling.

connections.  fellowship.  love.  isn't that what life is about?

next time don't hesitate.  you may not know what your silence may be saying.

officially ours.

after two and a half long years, my niece is legally part of our family.  the signature of a judge friday afternoon squelched my underlying fears of someday letting her go.  the enormity of the situation had no effect on her but we all hugged her a little tighter and celebrated with overwhelmed hearts.

a miracle girl...i am so proud of how far she has come.  her zest for life and exuberant joy have taught me so much.  

blessed beyond words.

turning melancholy to joy

moments of desperate loneliness invade the depths of my soul.  surrounded securely within a supportive community of friends and family i yearn for something deeper.  clueless to why i feel alone, i allow whispered lies to invade and tear away at my heart.

no one cares enough to break past my walls of brokenness.

just as the sunrise brings forth a day ripe with potential, a new thought dawns.  perhaps the emptiness i feel is a reminder sent directly from my Creator.  a blessing in disguise, i see joy bubbling up from a melancholy place...He is speaking my name desiring time with me.

this feeling was not intended to reveal people’s shortcomings but to remind me that God delights in me.  it's time to defiantly refute the lies and stand for the truth that there is One who wants to create beauty from the ashes.

walking down a different street...

i recently went to an event called Loveology hosted by Solid Rock Church in portland.  a two night extravaganza filled with a mass amount of college-aged people to hear biblical perspectives on being Godly men and women, dating, relationships and sex.  the level of openness and how often they referenced scriptures was refreshing.  it's amazing how tainted and twisted the world has portrayed these things.  if you missed it, click here and search for "Loveology 2011".  it really has changed my heart in some areas and i highly recommend it.

one story they shared has been on my mind quite a bit lately...

There's A Hole In My Sidewalk:
In Five Easy Chapters

CHAPTER ONE
I walk down a street and there's a big hole.  I don't see it and fall into it.  It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out.  It's not my fault!
CHAPTER TWO
I walk down the same street.  There's a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in.   It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out.  It's still not my fault.
CHAPTER THREE
I walk down a street.  There's a big hole.  I can see it, but I still fall in.  It's become a habit.  But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately.  It is my fault.
CHAPTER FOUR
I walk down a street.  There's a big hole.  And I walk around it.
CHAPTER FIVE
I walk down a different street.

-- Portia Nelson

the second night of the series included a time of prayer and it was incredibly healing for me.  i'm so glad to say i'm walking down a different street.

change is good.

sometimes going back to a comfortable place in life is part of moving forward.

a little less than a year ago, i felt God pulling me towards a different church.  though i was thoroughly blessed by the new church's community, i recently felt released to go back to East Hill.  jumping back into my small group, snuggling the babies in the nursery and just overall joining them to worship God has been such a blessing.  i guess it could be compared to going on vacation and coming home... both are amazing but home is just home.

speaking of home, it changed too.  i just moved back into the condo that i lived in years ago.  not only is it nice to have my own space again, but that place is so packed full of wonderful memories that i can't stop thinking about my old roomies.  my nesting skills and daydreaming are in full effect.  love it.

but i won't be here long...I'M GOING TO BELIZE!  officially accepted into the YWAM program, i'm now jumping into support raising and preparing my heart for this adventure.  God is already stretching me and challenging me to trust Him in deeper ways.  this is gonna take a miracle...and there is no doubt about it.  this human impossibility creates an awesome stage to see God's provision.  leave a comment with your e-mail address if you want to receive updates about the whole process.

that has been my life lately.  stay tuned, friday is an incredibly important day.  seriously.  i'll fill you in later...