i splurged...

God has been teaching me a lot about my worth throughout the past couple weeks and a while ago i came across a necklace that i fell in love with. the amazing thing about it is that it falls directly in line with the two scriptures He has given me this season.

now i normally do not splurge on jewelry or even wear necklaces for that matter, but i'm super excited to have this simple reminder of the scriptures to wear daily.

the first verse i posted a couple days ago here...

the second one i have known for a long time, but God revealed a different perspective on it the other night.

The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

i had always pictured myself in the man/merchant role having to sacrifice everything for the treasure.  but what if God is the one who gave everything to save me... and i am that fine pearl.

go check out my new necklace here and browse her other beautiful creations!

insecure.

last week i had the opportunity to listen to Graham Cooke. several statements he made struck chords deep in my heart and have challenged my perspective on many things. God has been using those words and the situations in my life to stir things up a little bit.

my sense of worth has always been a struggle for me. being unsure of that, i have tended to be insecure in most relationships since about middle school. betrayal and rejection have fueled the feelings of worthlessness and most of my pain has somehow been connected to those wounds.

last night a fresh perspective was birthed through my tears as i was crying out. instead of trying to control and regulate the external details, maybe i should deal with the junk in my heart. ugh...such a simple concept that i thought i had already learned.

with these raw wounds, it doesn't take much to cause me more pain. what i am realizing though is that people's actions (or lack of actions) that hurt me are usually caused more by how i perceive them, not necessarily the heart motives behind the action. these broken glasses skew my vision and distort everything along the same lines.

no matter how perfect and loving my friends are, if i don't realize my worth in God's eyes, i will never be able to accept their love for what it is.

insecure.

last week i had the opportunity to listen to Graham Cooke. several statements he made struck chords deep in my heart and have challenged my perspective on many things. God has been using those words and the situations in my life to stir things up a little bit.

my sense of worth has always been a struggle for me. being unsure of that, i have tended to be insecure in most relationships since about middle school. betrayal and rejection have fueled the feelings of worthlessness and most of my pain has somehow been connected to those wounds.

last night a fresh perspective was birthed through my tears as i was crying out. instead of trying to control and regulate the external details, maybe i should deal with the junk in my heart. ugh...such a simple concept that i thought i had already learned.

with these raw wounds, it doesn't take much to cause me more pain. what i am realizing though is that people's actions (or lack of actions) that hurt me are usually caused more by how i perceive them, not necessarily the heart motives behind the action. these broken glasses skew my vision and distort everything along the same lines.

no matter how perfect and loving my friends are, if i don't realize my worth in God's eyes, i will never be able to accept their love for what it is.

wait.

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;  they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

this verse is ingrained in my head, but my heart cries out something along these lines...

i am waiting for _______ and after obtaining it, then i will be (content, happy, fulfilled, blessed, whole, able to live my life, comfortable).

what do you fill in the blank with?

wait.

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;  they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

this verse is ingrained in my head, but my heart cries out something along these lines...

i am waiting for _______ and after obtaining it, then i will be (content, happy, fulfilled, blessed, whole, able to live my life, comfortable).

what do you fill in the blank with?

i'm a little slow...

God has been speaking to me since before march 24th about my schedule.  i have felt His prompting to let go of a commitment and i have been fighting it ever since.

on my walk/run the other day, God gave me a picture of my reluctance.  i am like the hundreds of slugs that i have seen inching their way across the road.  the cars fly by and some slugs are in the wrong place at the wrong time.  my disobedience has kept me at the same intersection for quite awhile now.  the longer i sit here, the more likely i am to be run over.

it's time to move.

i'm a little slow...

God has been speaking to me since before march 24th about my schedule.  i have felt His prompting to let go of a commitment and i have been fighting it ever since.

on my walk/run the other day, God gave me a picture of my reluctance.  i am like the hundreds of slugs that i have seen inching their way across the road.  the cars fly by and some slugs are in the wrong place at the wrong time.  my disobedience has kept me at the same intersection for quite awhile now.  the longer i sit here, the more likely i am to be run over.

it's time to move.

dreading the storm.

i see a storm brewing in the distance.  fear of having my faith uprooted has been constantly on my mind.  last night, words of peace washed over my soul.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

just like regular weather forecasts, predictions can be way off.  God won't send a storm that will tear me out of the foundation built on His truth.  branches may be ripped off and the scenery may look drastically different, but my faith will stand firm.

dreading the storm.

i see a storm brewing in the distance.  fear of having my faith uprooted has been constantly on my mind.  last night, words of peace washed over my soul.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

just like regular weather forecasts, predictions can be way off.  God won't send a storm that will tear me out of the foundation built on His truth.  branches may be ripped off and the scenery may look drastically different, but my faith will stand firm.

ah...

amidst the drizzle and cloudy skies, the sunshine in my heart shines on.  God's timing and perfect provision come at just the right moment.  unexpected friendships and joy take a load off of my shoulders.

the quiet hum of cafe d surrounds me as i think about my day and the days coming.  peace invades my heart when i focus on the truth.

I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.  The LORD does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths.  He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

Psalms 135:5-7

ah...

amidst the drizzle and cloudy skies, the sunshine in my heart shines on.  God's timing and perfect provision come at just the right moment.  unexpected friendships and joy take a load off of my shoulders.

the quiet hum of cafe d surrounds me as i think about my day and the days coming.  peace invades my heart when i focus on the truth.

I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.  The LORD does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths.  He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

Psalms 135:5-7

memorial day weekend = joy

the day before my great escape, i was seriously burdened regarding three main areas of my life.  knowing that i would have some time to chill with God, i painted some rocks to symbolize these specific things:  my heart, my relationships and the direction of my life.  i carried them with me in my pocket as a reminder to pray and give them to God.  the campground sits next to a river and i claimed a boulder as my own and frequently escaped there.

pulling into the camp on friday afternoon felt like coming home.  a fresh breath of air and renewed hope surged through my veins.  throughout the weekend when i didn't feel the need to slip away to talk with God, i had no desire to leave the campground.  i was exorbitantly blessed by instant family and conversations.  my time studying the word grew into discussions with those around me about how to live it out.  the hours spent enjoying the beauty of the sunshine, rolling hills, luscious green foliage, and stunning shooting stars were shared as we stood in awe of the one who made it all.  being surrounded by laughter and joy made my heart soar.  just like last year, i left questioning why i had to leave.

hot showers and a soft warm bed welcomed me home.  i came back a little lighter...without those three rocks weighing me down.  i came back richer...more friends, hope and peace.  i came back with a passion to live where God is leading me.

memorial day weekend = joy

the day before my great escape, i was seriously burdened regarding three main areas of my life.  knowing that i would have some time to chill with God, i painted some rocks to symbolize these specific things:  my heart, my relationships and the direction of my life.  i carried them with me in my pocket as a reminder to pray and give them to God.  the campground sits next to a river and i claimed a boulder as my own and frequently escaped there.

pulling into the camp on friday afternoon felt like coming home.  a fresh breath of air and renewed hope surged through my veins.  throughout the weekend when i didn't feel the need to slip away to talk with God, i had no desire to leave the campground.  i was exorbitantly blessed by instant family and conversations.  my time studying the word grew into discussions with those around me about how to live it out.  the hours spent enjoying the beauty of the sunshine, rolling hills, luscious green foliage, and stunning shooting stars were shared as we stood in awe of the one who made it all.  being surrounded by laughter and joy made my heart soar.  just like last year, i left questioning why i had to leave.

hot showers and a soft warm bed welcomed me home.  i came back a little lighter...without those three rocks weighing me down.  i came back richer...more friends, hope and peace.  i came back with a passion to live where God is leading me.

hope.

God is so {faithful}.  last night i stayed up later than i should, doing things that didn't really matter... like watching an episode of Friends and aimlessly perusing the internet.  by the time i decided to head to bed, my eyes didn't want to focus and my mind was a little bit fuzzy.  before i turned out the lights, i was convicted about not spending any time in the Bible.  i half-heartedly read just a little and not long after that i was out.

i did not take time to reflect on the verses i read last night early this morning, yet God brought new revelation to mind this afternoon while i was driving home from running errands.  the truth of romans 5:3-5 became crystal clear.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

hope has seemed elusive to me.  as a christ-follower, i have always felt that it is something i should just have.   

the knowledge that i'm in the process of obtaining hope gives me {hope}.

hope.

God is so {faithful}.  last night i stayed up later than i should, doing things that didn't really matter... like watching an episode of Friends and aimlessly perusing the internet.  by the time i decided to head to bed, my eyes didn't want to focus and my mind was a little bit fuzzy.  before i turned out the lights, i was convicted about not spending any time in the Bible.  i half-heartedly read just a little and not long after that i was out.

i did not take time to reflect on the verses i read last night early this morning, yet God brought new revelation to mind this afternoon while i was driving home from running errands.  the truth of romans 5:3-5 became crystal clear.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

hope has seemed elusive to me.  as a christ-follower, i have always felt that it is something i should just have.   

the knowledge that i'm in the process of obtaining hope gives me {hope}.

how many times?

out of the overflow of my thoughts, my hands type.  :o)  i will finish the other catch-up posts soon... i promise.

last night during worship, God reminded me of a story out of 2nd Kings chapter 5.  the story of a man with leprosy who seeks healing and doesn't like the answer he receives.

Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed."  But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.  Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage. 

2 Kings 5:10-12

how often am i mad that God doesn't do things exactly the way i planned?

the thing that stuck out last night as i remembered the story is {how many times} it took to receive healing. 

So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy. 

2 Kings 5:14

the first six times didn't work...but they were an essential part to the healing.

what if i knew how many times it would take to learn a lesson, be healed or make a difference in any situation? 

 what if we started viewing our "failures" as part of the process instead of being frustrated with ourselves?

 realize it didn't work, learn from it and jump back in!

how many times?

out of the overflow of my thoughts, my hands type.  :o)  i will finish the other catch-up posts soon... i promise.

last night during worship, God reminded me of a story out of 2nd Kings chapter 5.  the story of a man with leprosy who seeks healing and doesn't like the answer he receives.

Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed."  But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.  Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage. 

2 Kings 5:10-12

how often am i mad that God doesn't do things exactly the way i planned?

the thing that stuck out last night as i remembered the story is {how many times} it took to receive healing. 

So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy. 

2 Kings 5:14

the first six times didn't work...but they were an essential part to the healing.

what if i knew how many times it would take to learn a lesson, be healed or make a difference in any situation? 

 what if we started viewing our "failures" as part of the process instead of being frustrated with ourselves?

 realize it didn't work, learn from it and jump back in!

long lost friend.

as each day ends, a judgement is made.  i weigh my actions, attitudes and accomplishments as i lay down for the night.  more often than not i fall terribly short.  my performance-based outlook distances me from God.  ashamed of how things went and how little i interacted with Him, i keep that distance because i haven't held up my end of the relationship.

i still don't quite grasp the meaning of grace.

last night i asked for prayer regarding this ongoing struggle and i received a new perspective through truth about another friendship i have.

my best friend talia lives on the other side of the world.  this gives me a great excuse to travel, but the majority of the time i don't like it.  i miss her.  communication was much easier when we shared a bunk bed.  facebook, e-mail, phone calls and old fashioned snail-mail help, but i am not always consistent or purposeful about keeping in contact.  in fact, i don't think i have ever sent talia a letter.

the next time talia comes to visit, will i avoid her because of my communication issues? no way!  if at all possible, i will be at the airport with huge embarrassing signs to welcome her. 

why should my relationship with God be any different?

it's a relationship. not a to-do list.

long lost friend.

as each day ends, a judgement is made.  i weigh my actions, attitudes and accomplishments as i lay down for the night.  more often than not i fall terribly short.  my performance-based outlook distances me from God.  ashamed of how things went and how little i interacted with Him, i keep that distance because i haven't held up my end of the relationship.

i still don't quite grasp the meaning of grace.

last night i asked for prayer regarding this ongoing struggle and i received a new perspective through truth about another friendship i have.

my best friend talia lives on the other side of the world.  this gives me a great excuse to travel, but the majority of the time i don't like it.  i miss her.  communication was much easier when we shared a bunk bed.  facebook, e-mail, phone calls and old fashioned snail-mail help, but i am not always consistent or purposeful about keeping in contact.  in fact, i don't think i have ever sent talia a letter.

the next time talia comes to visit, will i avoid her because of my communication issues? no way!  if at all possible, i will be at the airport with huge embarrassing signs to welcome her. 

why should my relationship with God be any different?

it's a relationship. not a to-do list.

fear.

on thursday night, we had an all worship night at our college group.  it quenched a thirst that i didn't even know existed.  as i sang, i asked for hope.  in His usual fashion of being not quite what i expected,  God came through in a big way.

lately fear has overwhelmed me to the point that i try to ignore entire parts of my heart and life, specifically in regards to my future.  emotion packed questions leave me dreading my reaction to possible scenarios.

how lost would i be if this happened?
what would i do if that happened?
where would i run if my world came crashing down around me?
could i put together the pieces of my broken heart after something like this?

i am petrified that i misunderstood God or merely thought the words instead of hearing them.  i fear that the devastation to my heart would be more than i could face.  my confidence in hearing God would be shattered and i'm afraid to know where that would leave me.

through the words spoken by the worship leader and the quiet whisper of God, hope again surged through my veins.  especially during the last two years, the trust i have in God has been tried and challenged.  i have fallen more times than i've stood strong, but have learned so much in the failures.

i fear being lost, but God would do anything to find me.

i fear being hurt, but God knows my heart better than i do.

i'm afraid that there won't be enough time, but God designed time and is orchestrating every second.